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(#)      /\__/\        /|narkiztik /<nightz; uv $mokebombz     /\__/\       (#)
(#)     | x x /               -=-  [ANuS]  -=-               | x x /       (#)
(#)      \ ^ /            */* T-PHiLe DiViSiON */*            \ ^ /        (#)
(#)       | |                     PREZENTZ                     | |         (#)
(#)      /   \                                                /   \        (#)
(#)     | . . |            THE FELiZMORTiZiKON ][:           | . . |       (#)
(#)      (" "           = THE BOOK oF DEWMED FELiNE =          " ")        (#)
(#)       )               bY: D-CELLERaTiON TRaUMA               (         (#)
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                          TaBLe uv /<ontentz;:
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                           [1] iNTRODuKTiON
                           [2] DiSKLAiMER
                           [3] THE KHEMiKAL KAT
                           [4] PORCELIN PUSSY PHURY
                           [5] APPeNDiX A
                           [6] GReeTz
                           [7] THe END



[1] iNTRODuKTiON:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        PHuCK YEW @#@!  WeLKuM TO THE FELIZMORTIZiKON ][, THE BooK oF DEWMED
        FeLiNE..  iF YEW ARE ONE OF THOSE SPCA OR GREENPEACE FAGGoTZ, STOP
        READiNG NOW AND GO RENT BAMBi YEW PUZZY @!#  iF YEW HAVE A WEAK
        STOMACH, GO EAT A LARGE MEAL THEN KUM BACK AND READ THiZ PHiLE, YEW
        WiLL REVEL iN THE DELIGHTZ oF THE REVERZE DIGESTION PROCESS KNOWN
        AS 'TO SPEW' (FOR SOME HELPFUL HiNTZ ON MiZCHiEF WITH PUKE REFER TO
        [ANuS] T-FiLe '/|narchiztz Guide To The Puking ProceZz').

        AFTER WRiTiNG THE FELIZMORTIZiKON (PaRT ONE), EYE FELT iT WUZ RATHER
        iNKOMPLETE SEW HERE EYE WiLL ATTEMPT TO WRiTE THE QUiNTESSENTiAL GUIDE
        TO FeLiNE FATALE FOR THE AZPiRiNG /|NARKIZT..  ALSO SiNCE WRiTiNG PART
        ONE, SEVERAL iSSUEZ HAVE KOME UP WHiCH SHOULD BE DEALT WiTH WITHIN THiS
        KOMPENDiUM OF DEWMED KiTTY, ONE THiNG EYE WiLL MENTiON NOW iZ THAT
        EYE HATE THOZE NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH PROGRAMZ @!#@!  iT HAZ BEKUM ALMOST
        IMPOZZIBLE TO WREAK HAVOK UPON THE KATZ iN MY NEIGHBOURHOOD NOW !@# EYE
        KAN FEEL THE NEIGHBOURHOOD KATZ TAUNTiNG ME, THEY KNOW MY CAUzE HAZ
        BEEN WEAKENED BY THE PUZZY NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH PROGRAM AND THEY SEEM
        TO BE BREEDiNG LiKE FLiEZ @!#  EYE WiLL EXACT MY REVENGE THOUGH BY
        PROXY, EYE URGE YEW FELLOW SERiAL KAT KiLLERZ @!# LET MY WERDZ GUiDE
        YEW IN YER ViCE AND LET MY PLiGHT SERVE AZ AN EXAMPLE TO ALL THAT
        WOULD WALK iN MY FOOTSTEPZ #@!  AFTER GETTiNG KAUGHT HURLiNG KATZ FROM
        MY ROOF (STRAPPED TO KiTEZ OF COURZE) EYE HAVE BEEN KONFiNED BY MY
        PARENTZ (ONCE AGAiN) TEW THE BARBARiC SOLACE OF MY BEDROOM !@#!@
        KARRY YER AKTiViTiEZ OUT BY NiGHT AND MAKE SURE THE DAMN NEIGHBOURZ
        DoNT SPOT YEW #$@#  ENuFF SAiD !@#!@  LET UZ BEGiN OUR JOURNEY #@!#@!


[2] DiSKLAiMER:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~

        iF YEW GO OUT AND KiLL KATZ BKUZ oF THIZ T-FiLe THEN ITZ NOT
        MY FAULT @!#@!  EYE ASSUME NO RESPONSiBiLiTY OR LiABiLiTY FOR
        DAMAGED DONE TO HOUSEHOLD PETZ OR ANY OTHER ANiMAL FOR THAT
        MATTER THAT iZ INCURRED AZ A REZULT OF CARRYiNG OUT THE PRACTICES
        SET OUT iN THEZE PAGEZ..  BY READiNG THiZ YEW AGREE TO iNDEMBNIFY
        [ANuS] and MYZELF FROM ALL LiABiLITiEZ AND RESPONSIBILITIEZ !@#@!
        IN OTHER WERDZ: NOBODY iZ RESPoNSiBLE FOR ANYTHING YEW PUZZY #@!#
        THiZ QUALiTY T-FiLE IZ FOR INPHORMATION PURPOSES ONLY @!#!



[3] THE KHEMiKAL KAT:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        MATERiALZ YEW WiLL NEED:
        =======================

            - hallucinogenic substance (preferably LSD-25 or a derivative
                                        thereof)
            - one kat (see appendix A)

            - ample supply of floor wax

            - tacks (or any sharp objects will do)

            - strobelight

            - flourescent paint (various kolours)

            - small ball or kats toy

        Directionz:
        ==========

            - locate within your house a large area with wooden or vinyl
              flooring (carpeted floorz will not work in this case)
            - wax it thouroughly with generic or industrial floor wax,
              try to bring it to a state with a high slip factor..
            - kover the area with sharp objects, include whatever other
              barriers and obstacles which you find amusing...
            - remove all light sources, cover any windows, etc....
            - rig the strobelight up so that its pulse will illuminate
              the waxed flooring area.
            - apply the flourescent paint to the kat to produce a tye-dye
              effect or suit to taste... let the kat sit until it is dry..
            - ingest the lsd while you are waiting for the kat to dry..

        Once you are sufficiently under the influence of the acid, turn on
        the strobe light to desired pulse level and toss the psychadelik
        kat into the middle of the waxed floor..  The ruckus that will result
        will sufficiently amuse you whilst you are tripping and cause much
        frustration and woe on the part of the kat..  Taunt the kat by throwing
        balls across the room or any other cat toy, etc... The ambiance kan
        also be enhanced by the inclusion of loud music or sound effect record
        cranked to optimum volume...
        Also if you want to include a friend , you kan turn it into a neat game
        by including of course: another hit of acid (to be ingested by friend)
        and two squirt guns, try and see who kan hit the kat the most times..
        It kan bekum a fast paced drinking game if you enhance the rules of the
        game to be for every time you miss the kat, you take one drink..
        simple enuff... (of course given the mindset u will be in as a result
        of the acid it may prove difficult to keep a proper tally)..


[4] PORCELiN PUSSY PHURY:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        MATERiALZ YEW WiLL NEED:
        =======================

            - one kat (see Appendix A)

            - one porcelin toilet

            - industrial or generic strength toilet bowl
              kleaning agent.  (the more the merrier)

            - assorted other cleaning agents i.e: Drano or
              ammonia agent.

            - "1000 Flushes" <--; Commercially available toilet
                                 cleaning agent..

        DiREKTiONZ:
        ==========

            - pour the entire amount of toilet kleaning agent
              genorously into toilet bowel.
            - mix in any other cleaning agents you deem appropriate
              at this time..
            - install the 1000 flushes unit..
            - place kat in bowel
            - close lid
            - flush
            - run like hell (get tha phuck outta there)

        The resultant explosion caused by mixing of these cleaning
        agents should be suitably enough to incite panic and much
        distress in yer parental unitz.  Revel in yer parents discomfort
        as they attempt to seperate whats left of FeFe from the bitz of
        porcelain scattered throughout..  This method kan be optionally
        enhanced by the inclusion of a strobelight and a video camera,
        set the video camera up to record safely from a distance and
        use the effect of the strobelight to create a slow motion effect..
        Thus kapturing the entire episode on tape for further enjoyment..



[5] APPENDiX A:
    ~~~~~~~~~~


                 /\__/\
                | x x /
                 \ ^ /         <--; DEWMED KAT
                  | |
                 /   \
                |     |
                 \. ./
                 (" "
                  )


[6] GReeTz:
    ~~~~~~
        GREETZ GOEZ OUT TO ALL [FEaR] MEMBERZ AND A BiG PHuCK YEW GOEZ
        OUT TO THE SPCA AND GREENPEACE FAGGOTZ #@!#@!
        WERD UP GOEZ TEW [GLuE] MEMBERZ @!#@!
        THiZ QUaLiTY T-PHiLE HAZ BEEN BROUGHT TEW YEW BY [ANuS] '94.!@@


[7] THe END

        PHUCK YEW !@#@!