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So, you're looking for the next big thrill? Exploiting another sendmail hole and getting root not giving you the rush your attention deficit afflicted mind desires tonight? Ok, then take a seat, because this may be shocking news to you pasty looking, mp3 swapping, I sacrifice buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken to the UV Light God in the basement of the CS department wannabe hackers out there…

Try getting laid. Like real life laid. That means that the 14/F that said she was 34D-24-36 in the AOL chat room SpankMeDaddy does not count!

Now, while the ultimate goal may be simple to state, the methods used to achieve this goal on a regular basis are seemingly limitless and their complexity can vary greatly. It can take a lifetime to learn and test them all. Many great men such as Wilt Chamberlain and John Holmes have even sacrificed their lives on this quest. Should I ever hear their names spoken in vain I’ll smack you upside the head with my Pimp Cane of Justice.

Obviously, you don’t want to spend a lifetime to learn these techniques. Hell, most of you probably don’t even have lives. That’s OK. The method we’re going to be discussing in this release requires absolutely no previous Rico Suave merit badges. It does, however, require that you spend some of your high tech paycheck on some good flunitrazepam, aka Rohypnol, rophies, ropies, ruffies, roofies, la rocha, roofenol, roche, R2, mexican valium, rib, rope…and finally The Date Rape Drug.

Now, don’t get all up tight over the word rape. All the negative hype comes from those feminazi women’s groups. Just remember one simple thing, it’s not rape if they can’t say no. So, get them drugged up or at least get your hand over their mouth or something in it and you’re fine (Did I mention I’m not liable for any consequences of this article…If I didn’t, I’m doing it now).

Ok, so you’ve taken the Pimp’s advice (see above disclaimer again) and scored some Rohypnol without getting arrested. Excellent, gold star for you. Now you just need to find the right bitch and the right setting to let those marvelous chemicals work their magic. My suggestion would be one of those corporate high tech happy hours. If you live in a dot COM town at least one of those occurs a week. Now, when you’re there, forget trying to find the one broad who is the perfect synergy of mind and body. Just focus on body, because you’re going to whack the mind into Gerber’s baby food anyway. I suggest hanging around the circles of marketing sluts. Those were the cheerleaders in high school who have found a suitable niche in life for their unique ability to do and produce nothing. These were also the girls who didn’t give you any attention growing up, so they’re deserving of a hate fuck anyway.

Now, these girls won’t give you the time of day, but they will let you buy them drinks. Basically, they make ¼ of your salary and are used to taking advantage of the unwashed masses of code jockeys out there. This time, though, you’re ready to turn the tables on one of these hoes. The drink you bring back to your selected target will be topped off with a bit of Rohypnol.

Now, you’ll want to keep the dose range around the recommended 2mg level. At the range, mixed with the alcohol, you’re new girlie should be good to go in as little as 20 minutes. So, as soon as you see her starting to get ready to fall over shit, take her by the arm and lead her out to your car. Everyone at the party will be thankful you did because they hate bitches that cause a scene.

Now that the cunt is in your car it’s all downhill from here. You just need to find a nice quiet spot to hit that ass. The Pimp recommends a dumpster. That’s a fitting locale for the piece of trash you just drugged up. At this point, it’s all you baby. The Pimp can’t tell you what to do…but I recommend discovering the meaning of the “The Third Input” first hand.

Ok, it’s 30 seconds later and you just blew your load. Congratulations, you’re on your way to becoming a true Mack. However, there is one final detail that cannot be overlooked…you gots to dump that ho out of your sled. Now, if you’re a true gentleman, you’ll stop, or at least slow down the car, before you kick that bitch to the curb.

That’s it. Stay tuned for more insight into the 46 Chambers of Pimp’n Biznitches.

Out.