- check out the stylin' NEW Collusion haxor gear at Jinx Hackwear!!! -
- sign up on the Collusion Syndicate's infotainment discussion lists!!! -

Volume 20
Feb 2001


 HOME

 TechKnow
 Media Hack
 Parallax
 Reviews
 Fiction
 Humor
 Events
 Offsite

 Mission
 Responses
 Discussion
 #Collusion
 NEW!

 Submit a Story
 Collusioneers
 © & TM Info
 Contact Us


SETI@Home

Join the
Collusion
SETI Team!




Bulk Mail Recycling Prank
 by Super 2N

As the Austin fighter of mail fraud, I highly endorse this prank. However, my one caveat is to only use "return postage paid" envelopes for large companies or coprorations that have lots of money and not to use ones meant for charities, fund-raising, etc.

-Super 2N

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On behalf of the Black Rock City Post Office (BRCPO) and the Soup Advisory Board, I would like to invite you to participate in a postal prank that we feel will continue to foster a sense of community and soupy spirit year-round while gently curbing the throws of gross non-soup-consumerism that continue to contort this nation.

This prank is fully credited to Captain Conundrum (CC), proud member of the BRCPO Postal Workers Union and SAB. It is a simple, legal, non-lethal but addictive form of merriment. All it requires is your own ingenuity, willingness to play, and creative ability to "recycle."

Simply put, the BRCPO/ SAB are recommending CC's unique way to simultaneously unclutter your desk, home, or work environs while effectively and efficiently recycling your bulk mail. In lieu of throwing out or normally recycling all of those pesty bulk mail deliveries that you receive, we would like to recommend that you follow a simple daily ritual for Bulk Mail Recycling:

1) Sort through your bulk mail and determine which pieces contain "return postage paid" envelopes, such as credit card applications.

2) Save these envelopes and anything else that you might want to associate with them from the original bulk mailing.

3) At your leisure throughout the day, fill these envelopes with no longer needed but infinitely mailable items. Good examples from CC's and other's recent mailings are:

* Little pieces of a pizza box

* An empty book of matches

* Gum wrappers

* A Home Depot receipt for toilet bowl cleaner

* Band Aid wrappers

* Soup can labels

The spirit of this prank is such that you can also create "Theme Envelopes." For instance, if it is post lunch, you might consider items such as:

* McDonald's Quarter Pounder with cheese wrapper

* Zesta saltine crackers in the little plastic package

* Grocery receipt from QFC

* Cat food receipt from Costco

* Empty straw wrapper

* Individual paper salt and pepper containers

(Note: Do refrain from including ketchup and mustard packets or mark your mail "Fragile! Do Not Bend" if you do. If it is not marked as such, mail will go through processing "rollers" and those packets will burst. Does anyone really need to make US Postal Workers that much more aggravated? This prank is aimed at the senders of bulk mail and not the processors...)

4) Seal the envelope and mail-- free of charge! (Note: if you want to add a little zest to the stew, overstuff the envelope so that it arrives with a "Postage Due" mark on it.)

5) Enjoy the cleansing effects of having creatively purged yourself and your environs.

Soup,
Sylvia Dutch
CEO/ A Founding Father, SAB
Postmistress General, BRCPO

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Post-script from the Mailman :

Geez, thanks a lot, this shit in the mail stream is really going to make my day. These envelopes already have destination barcodes on the front and back that will direct them back to the route they were originally addressed to, making more work for carriers. It's really hard for humans to successfully redirect mail in a machine driven system that reads barcodes and ignores written directions. It's not nice to stress your mailman!!

your mailman