[00:00.160 --> 00:11.820]  It is a very distinct pleasure to introduce to you my dear friend here, Mitch Altman, and who's going to be talking to you about tips and tricks for living in interesting times.
[00:12.680 --> 00:17.820]  Mitch, as many of you know, is an international hacker man of mystery.
[00:18.180 --> 00:19.320]  He is an author.
[00:19.600 --> 00:20.560]  He's an inventor.
[00:20.840 --> 00:25.640]  We know him quite likely best as being the inventor of the TV Be Gone.
[00:25.640 --> 00:32.980]  But this is also a man whose, I guess, hacker prowess goes back to the 1980s.
[00:33.040 --> 00:45.320]  And he was working on artificial... I'm sorry, he was working on virtual reality way back before Meta even thought of it, before I think Meta was even a sparkle in Mark Zuckerberg's young eyes at that particular moment.
[00:45.580 --> 00:48.380]  But he's known in hacker spaces all around the world.
[00:48.540 --> 00:49.560]  He's resident in Berlin.
[00:49.560 --> 00:50.760]  You'll find him here.
[00:50.840 --> 00:53.020]  You'll find him at many, many other hacker conferences.
[00:53.020 --> 00:57.660]  And so it's a distinct pleasure to hand over the microphone to Mitch Altman.
[00:57.880 --> 00:58.420]  Thank you.
[01:00.540 --> 01:00.980]  Thanks.
[01:01.180 --> 01:02.100]  Thanks so much.
[01:04.300 --> 01:04.780]  Great.
[01:05.460 --> 01:06.380]  Thanks for coming.
[01:07.380 --> 01:08.920]  I hope you're having a great HOPE.
[01:09.080 --> 01:11.060]  This is a wonderful first day for me.
[01:11.180 --> 01:12.100]  Was it okay for you?
[01:15.120 --> 01:15.600]  Yay.
[01:15.600 --> 01:18.980]  Well, this is the last talk of the day for Marillac.
[01:19.100 --> 01:22.160]  There'll be performances in a little theater later.
[01:22.160 --> 01:23.460]  But, yeah.
[01:23.680 --> 01:25.140]  Keep enjoying as much as you like.
[01:25.760 --> 01:28.340]  So, this is my contact info.
[01:28.820 --> 01:31.780]  Please contact me anytime for any reason.
[01:31.920 --> 01:33.820]  I love helping people any way that I can.
[01:34.060 --> 01:35.100]  And I totally mean that.
[01:35.680 --> 01:37.900]  So, take a picture of that if you like.
[01:38.540 --> 01:40.140]  It's all over the Internet anyways.
[01:40.400 --> 01:41.780]  But, yeah.
[01:42.120 --> 01:50.180]  So, here's my only other slide for this talk.
[01:52.520 --> 01:54.820]  Everyone thinks it's an ancient Chinese curse.
[01:55.040 --> 01:57.060]  According to the Internet, it's not.
[01:57.240 --> 02:00.120]  It was invented in the U.S. in the early 20th century.
[02:01.240 --> 02:02.660]  But, who knows?
[02:02.880 --> 02:04.840]  The Internet might be wrong.
[02:04.840 --> 02:06.060]  It's been wrong before.
[02:06.720 --> 02:12.760]  So, you know, a lot of people have been thinking of this concept for the last years.
[02:12.760 --> 02:16.600]  But, you know, all times are interesting times.
[02:16.720 --> 02:20.580]  Just some times seem to be a little bit more interesting than others.
[02:20.780 --> 02:25.620]  And throughout my life, throughout all of our lives, it's been interesting times.
[02:25.620 --> 02:26.160]  But, yeah.
[02:26.260 --> 02:28.020]  It does seem to be getting more interesting.
[02:28.280 --> 02:31.000]  There's all sorts of interesting things going on.
[02:31.000 --> 02:31.860]  So, anyways.
[02:31.980 --> 02:34.500]  This talk is going to be kind of a rambling talk.
[02:34.700 --> 02:35.800]  I've got all these cards.
[02:35.980 --> 02:38.380]  Maybe I'll skip some, because maybe it'll go too long.
[02:38.580 --> 02:40.040]  But it'll be kind of philosophical.
[02:40.660 --> 02:51.960]  And I hope that the things that I'm going to share are things that I've learned throughout my 68 years of living on this planet that have been really helpful to me.
[02:52.640 --> 02:54.180]  Helpful to my friends.
[02:54.680 --> 02:56.280]  Learning through talking with my friends.
[02:56.420 --> 02:57.420]  And also, I'm a mentor.
[02:57.780 --> 03:00.080]  So, talking with people who I mentor.
[03:00.800 --> 03:03.160]  And learning a lot from myself through that.
[03:03.620 --> 03:08.260]  So, I hope that these things will be useful for you.
[03:08.320 --> 03:12.840]  And I also hope that it comes together at the end and makes sense.
[03:12.840 --> 03:15.040]  Because I am totally jet-lagged.
[03:15.120 --> 03:16.240]  And totally tired.
[03:16.460 --> 03:19.100]  And I've been trying to stay awake for this talk for the last two hours.
[03:19.260 --> 03:20.660]  So, be nice to me.
[03:21.140 --> 03:22.600]  But, yeah.
[03:23.580 --> 03:26.760]  It's a little bit of more interest to me.
[03:27.840 --> 03:30.720]  Alex said some of the stuff.
[03:30.980 --> 03:38.600]  But, I'm mostly famous for inventing TV Be Gone or remote control that turns TVs off in public places.
[03:38.600 --> 03:42.320]  And how I've made a living with 12 friends for the last 20 years.
[03:42.760 --> 03:44.840]  But I've been a geek all my life.
[03:45.240 --> 03:51.680]  And a teacher, a mentor, and many other things that I've done that I think are pretty cool.
[03:51.840 --> 03:55.880]  And I'm lucky to have had the opportunity to do some of these things.
[03:56.180 --> 04:04.400]  But in the early... mid-1980s, I was with a group of people who we collectively created virtual reality for the first time.
[04:04.560 --> 04:06.400]  And we even coined the term.
[04:06.400 --> 04:12.600]  And in the 1990s, I started my own Silly Valley company.
[04:12.940 --> 04:13.980]  Silicon Valley, whatever.
[04:14.340 --> 04:17.300]  Which, against all odds, was actually successful.
[04:17.680 --> 04:19.560]  That's really beating the odds.
[04:20.220 --> 04:32.520]  But an important part of my past, which I've talked about in talks here and elsewhere, is that the first half of my life was just pure depression.
[04:33.840 --> 04:35.980]  And I grew up totally depressed.
[04:36.480 --> 04:38.120]  I'm now 68 years old.
[04:38.240 --> 04:47.760]  But it wasn't until I was 33, through all the things I learned and tried, that I just started the process of learning to live with my depression.
[04:48.000 --> 04:54.340]  And eventually, through many, many years and a lot more work, learned to live a life I actually love living.
[04:55.040 --> 04:58.860]  And so I'm going to draw from those experiences and share them.
[04:59.220 --> 05:02.220]  And maybe some of it will resonate for you.
[05:02.480 --> 05:14.720]  And I hope that some of the stuff that I'm going to say, not just philosophical, but also practical for things that helped me and my friends and people I mentor, and maybe you too.
[05:16.940 --> 05:20.600]  So I've worked a lot on myself through the years.
[05:21.640 --> 05:23.680]  And a lot of it's been really difficult.
[05:24.620 --> 05:28.840]  And sometimes it's been cool since I've been 33, not before.
[05:29.560 --> 05:32.180]  There was nothing magical that happened at 33.
[05:32.180 --> 05:35.340]  It's just I look back and I see that's kind of a turning point.
[05:35.340 --> 05:45.340]  All the work that I've done, things started to come together, and I could start to do more work for actually feeling something else besides depression.
[05:45.640 --> 05:50.820]  And it took many years to get there, but I knew that it was worth doing.
[05:51.020 --> 06:03.780]  Somehow, even though it felt totally hopeless at times, most of the time, before 33, there was something deep inside of me that knew that somehow I could live with depression and not just identify with it.
[06:05.140 --> 06:06.680]  Somehow I knew I could do that.
[06:06.880 --> 06:16.240]  And somehow, through the support I got, which I was lucky enough to get, and the work I did, you know, things are moved forward.
[06:16.580 --> 06:22.120]  And some of the things that I found important are things that I'll share today, tonight.
[06:23.020 --> 06:27.580]  But I'm going to start off now with something, kind of a strange place to start.
[06:28.860 --> 06:34.560]  We have no control over so much of our lives.
[06:35.400 --> 06:35.980]  None.
[06:36.520 --> 06:37.940]  Over so much of our lives.
[06:38.100 --> 06:40.500]  And yet, most of us really want control.
[06:40.620 --> 06:45.240]  And I'm not sure why, but it seems to be part of us, part of all of us.
[06:45.320 --> 06:50.540]  We want control, and yet we don't really have it at all.
[06:51.220 --> 06:55.060]  We certainly have no control over our emotions and our feelings.
[06:55.060 --> 06:57.140]  They just happen.
[06:57.440 --> 06:58.440]  And there they are.
[06:58.640 --> 07:03.900]  And no matter how much we want those feelings to be different than they are, there they are.
[07:04.120 --> 07:05.040]  They're not changing.
[07:05.460 --> 07:08.560]  They kind of change on their own, maybe, but we can't change them.
[07:08.760 --> 07:12.320]  We also have very little control over our thoughts.
[07:12.740 --> 07:14.800]  They just seem to come up.
[07:15.400 --> 07:21.100]  Maybe we can choose which thoughts to pay attention to, but that's about it.
[07:21.100 --> 07:25.360]  And that leads to what we actually do have control over.
[07:25.940 --> 07:27.100]  What we choose.
[07:27.860 --> 07:31.840]  We have total control over what we choose.
[07:32.800 --> 07:36.840]  It doesn't mean that it's easy to make those choices.
[07:37.280 --> 07:40.740]  In fact, it can be super difficult to make choices.
[07:40.740 --> 07:45.600]  Even if we know that they're good choices, it can be really hard to make those choices.
[07:45.600 --> 07:48.400]  You know, I can choose to put my left foot there.
[07:48.680 --> 07:49.540]  That's easy.
[07:50.040 --> 07:58.300]  But there's lots of difficult decisions, depending on our past experiences, our fears, our terrors, our hopes, our dreams, our obligations, our responsibilities.
[07:59.420 --> 08:00.560]  It's not easy.
[08:00.940 --> 08:07.460]  There's a lot of external aspects that have a lot of power over us, it seems.
[08:07.460 --> 08:12.900]  But we have total control, really, over what we choose.
[08:13.160 --> 08:14.920]  And I'll come back to that later.
[08:16.380 --> 08:19.940]  Another thing is that everything is temporal.
[08:20.760 --> 08:27.160]  Everything lasts only so long, a certain amount of time, including our lives.
[08:27.960 --> 08:30.300]  We are constantly changing.
[08:31.220 --> 08:33.400]  And our lives are constantly changing.
[08:33.520 --> 08:35.380]  The lives of those around us are constantly changing.
[08:35.380 --> 08:37.360]  Everything around us is constantly changing.
[08:37.740 --> 08:40.480]  But we only have a certain amount of time.
[08:40.640 --> 08:42.480]  Our lives will end.
[08:42.760 --> 08:43.620]  All of our lives.
[08:44.800 --> 08:49.740]  So, we only have that amount of time to do everything that we do.
[08:50.100 --> 08:53.080]  Every cool thing, every stupid thing that we've done.
[08:53.100 --> 08:54.620]  And we'll do a lot more stupid things.
[08:54.620 --> 08:55.220]  All of us.
[08:55.280 --> 08:55.960]  I know I will.
[08:56.120 --> 08:59.560]  All the things we love, all the things we hate, all the things that later we'll regret.
[08:59.860 --> 09:00.160]  Whatever.
[09:00.160 --> 09:04.220]  However, we can only do all of this while we're alive.
[09:05.220 --> 09:10.260]  So we can make good use of that if we choose to.
[09:12.200 --> 09:21.700]  So we can feel what we feel, though, while doing our lives and think what we think and choose what to do along the way.
[09:22.060 --> 09:27.120]  And we can explore and discover and learn and grow as long as we're alive.
[09:28.420 --> 09:39.640]  So what do you, each of you and me, what do we choose to do with however much time, however little time we have remaining in our lives?
[09:40.320 --> 09:41.840]  What do you choose to do?
[09:43.060 --> 09:48.060]  Again, it's totally up to you what you choose.
[09:48.360 --> 09:52.740]  Even if it's not easy, it's totally up to you, ultimately, what you choose.
[09:53.520 --> 09:54.880]  That's really important.
[09:55.480 --> 09:59.120]  Choice is a very powerful thing.
[10:00.100 --> 10:03.080]  Choices affect each of us greatly, the choices we make.
[10:03.260 --> 10:07.000]  It also affects the people around us a lot, which in turn affect us.
[10:07.000 --> 10:08.520]  It affects everything.
[10:08.840 --> 10:10.740]  Positively, negatively, big, small.
[10:11.060 --> 10:14.920]  But so often, we don't choose consciously.
[10:15.680 --> 10:22.820]  A big part of our brain is a mechanism to automatically do things.
[10:22.860 --> 10:27.440]  Because it takes so much energy to be consciously thinking.
[10:28.100 --> 10:31.360]  And so thinking all the time takes even more energy.
[10:31.360 --> 10:33.040]  This serves us really well.
[10:33.220 --> 10:35.520]  We evolved to be able to do that.
[10:35.640 --> 10:39.160]  And we survived as a species because of this ability.
[10:39.480 --> 10:41.900]  It serves us well much of the time.
[10:42.880 --> 10:45.240]  Constantly thinking really does take a lot of energy.
[10:45.240 --> 10:52.400]  So we can, quite often, get by just doing things by default, not so consciously.
[10:52.400 --> 11:00.440]  But sometimes, maybe more than we're used to, it's worth being conscious of what we choose.
[11:02.420 --> 11:09.360]  As kids, we could not choose consciously, though, because we didn't have enough experience yet.
[11:09.360 --> 11:10.520]  We didn't know what we were doing.
[11:11.020 --> 11:13.860]  Some of us, including myself, still we don't know what we're doing.
[11:13.860 --> 11:19.940]  But we know more than we did before, so we can make, hopefully, better choices now.
[11:20.080 --> 11:22.480]  But when we're kids, we couldn't.
[11:23.100 --> 11:34.340]  Many of the choices we made as kids were because of our background, because of our experiences, good and bad, because of our parents and their experiences.
[11:34.340 --> 11:41.620]  And our parents had parents who made unconscious choices, and their parents before them.
[11:43.020 --> 11:49.280]  And that had a big influence on the unconscious choices we make as kids.
[11:50.000 --> 11:58.140]  And these choices can still very much be driving us to this day, because that sticks with us our whole lives.
[11:59.220 --> 12:01.640]  Those unconscious choices we made as kids.
[12:03.020 --> 12:08.500]  As an example, here's a story about a former friend of mine from a long time ago.
[12:09.860 --> 12:22.800]  When we were friends, he would tell me quite often that his father would, his alcoholic father, would come home dead drunk and beat him while screaming at him, You will never amount to anything!
[12:23.720 --> 12:25.640]  Great thing to tell your kid, right?
[12:25.640 --> 12:32.460]  Well, my friend, at the time, he internalized this, as we all do as kids.
[12:32.880 --> 12:34.240]  We don't know any better.
[12:34.520 --> 12:35.760]  We think it's normal.
[12:35.760 --> 12:37.100]  And for us, it was normal.
[12:37.300 --> 12:41.360]  Whatever we're experiencing, especially from our parents, was normal.
[12:41.960 --> 12:49.300]  And my friend internalized this, and he believed he would never amount to something, but he had to prove to his father that he would.
[12:49.480 --> 12:55.480]  And he defined amount to anything as making as much money as possible.
[12:55.760 --> 12:57.440]  Because that's what his father did.
[12:58.840 --> 13:12.480]  When we met many, many years later, his father was already long dead, but he was still trying to prove to his long-dead father that he would amount to something by making money, by making more money.
[13:12.600 --> 13:21.700]  And no matter how much money he made, he needed more money, because he could never prove to his long-dead father that he had made enough to be something, to be anything.
[13:22.740 --> 13:28.320]  He couldn't prove that to his long-dead father and internalize to himself.
[13:29.800 --> 13:38.080]  And he didn't know what to do when he came to that realization that he was still the same person inside, believing that he wouldn't amount to anything.
[13:38.080 --> 13:40.780]  So he did what he knew, which was make more money.
[13:41.320 --> 13:44.300]  And as far as I know, he's still doing that to this day.
[13:45.860 --> 13:50.420]  And under the definition of making more money being successful, he's quite successful.
[13:50.840 --> 13:56.940]  But only he can say, if he's successful at living a life that he thinks is way worth living.
[13:59.720 --> 14:04.120]  Middle and upper class kids kind of have the similar thing.
[14:04.120 --> 14:13.340]  And I was brought up lower middle class, but still in that kind of culture, we're told to go out into the world and make a difference, to do something noticeable, to do something great.
[14:14.100 --> 14:29.840]  If our parents are into capitalism, which many of our parents are, we're told to go out and be a big CEO, or do something in a big company that's really important, or be a vice president if you can, or a VC, a venture capitalist, or as we said in Silly Valley,
[14:30.060 --> 14:32.540]  vulture capitalist, Silicon Valley.
[14:33.300 --> 14:48.160]  As lefties, like my parents were growing up in the world of the 1960s, we were supposed to go out in the world and my parents would constantly say and imply and push us to make a difference in the world by making it a better place to fight oppression,
[14:48.440 --> 14:50.620]  to defeat wrong if we can.
[14:52.420 --> 14:54.260]  We're told to do something great.
[14:54.600 --> 14:56.780]  But what does it mean to do something great?
[14:57.140 --> 14:58.580]  As little kids, we don't know.
[14:59.260 --> 15:01.080]  As adults, we might not know.
[15:01.280 --> 15:02.060]  What is an adult?
[15:02.240 --> 15:02.800]  I don't know.
[15:02.940 --> 15:11.340]  But we still have this notion that most of us, I do, that we're supposed to go out into the world and do something great.
[15:11.460 --> 15:13.180]  And if we don't, we're a failure.
[15:13.480 --> 15:14.940]  But what does it mean?
[15:14.940 --> 15:16.680]  What are we driven to do?
[15:17.200 --> 15:19.620]  Why are we driving ourselves for all of this?
[15:19.780 --> 15:22.620]  This was some unconscious thing from being a kid.
[15:22.920 --> 15:24.520]  Why do we keep doing that?
[15:25.180 --> 15:26.240]  I don't know.
[15:26.540 --> 15:27.760]  But there it is.
[15:28.700 --> 15:36.780]  Anything we're told over and over by our parents, the most important people in the universe, because our lives were totally dependent for our survival upon them.
[15:38.100 --> 15:42.420]  But we do have this notion that we want to make the world a better place.
[15:42.420 --> 15:48.320]  And I think that's one of the things that most of us here, if not all of us here, have in common here at this conference.
[15:49.280 --> 15:51.680]  We want to change the world, hopefully, for the better.
[15:53.440 --> 16:02.980]  But regardless of culture or class, all kids, pretty much, want recognition from these most important people in the universe, our parents.
[16:04.480 --> 16:09.540]  And we can do that by doing positive things, things our parents like.
[16:09.540 --> 16:15.860]  If that doesn't work, which doesn't work on all parents, we can try doing negative things, things we know they don't like.
[16:16.080 --> 16:17.360]  That always gets attention.
[16:17.720 --> 16:22.660]  Some people are more predisposed to do positive or negative one way or the other.
[16:23.880 --> 16:25.900]  And I know who I want to hang out with.
[16:26.020 --> 16:31.420]  But anyways, we all have this weird notion that drives so many people.
[16:31.420 --> 16:33.020]  I think most of us anyways.
[16:33.460 --> 16:37.120]  Another unconscious choice as kids that still sticks with us today.
[16:37.340 --> 16:40.160]  The desire to be famous.
[16:41.600 --> 16:45.280]  What is so good about being famous?
[16:45.960 --> 16:52.260]  If we take a look at all of the people who are famous now, these are not the people we want to emulate.
[16:55.150 --> 16:58.250]  And yet, so many of us want to be famous.
[16:59.050 --> 17:04.750]  I became famous not because I wanted to be famous, but because I was just doing stuff that I loved.
[17:06.310 --> 17:11.930]  And that led me to being known by a lot of people.
[17:12.470 --> 17:18.690]  I became super famous for inventing TV Be Gone, which was kind of short-lived.
[17:19.790 --> 17:29.910]  But being famous can be kind of a good thing if you have a message you want to put out or messages you want to put out, more people will listen to you, like I'm doing now.
[17:30.090 --> 17:32.210]  I don't know if it's because I'm famous, but whatever.
[17:33.170 --> 17:33.870]  Is famous good?
[17:34.010 --> 17:35.930]  There's pluses and minuses in everything.
[17:36.930 --> 17:41.190]  I met someone at a conference, another story, a couple years ago.
[17:42.050 --> 17:45.630]  He said he used to be very famous in his circles.
[17:46.130 --> 17:47.670]  He wrote popular books.
[17:47.870 --> 17:50.970]  He gave popular talks to crowded audiences.
[17:51.690 --> 17:59.110]  He said that everything changed for him, however, when a half a million people knew that he existed.
[18:00.150 --> 18:03.210]  It's a matter of probabilities, he said.
[18:03.790 --> 18:07.970]  There's a teeny, teeny percentage of total wackos on our planet.
[18:08.250 --> 18:09.810]  That's eight billion people.
[18:09.970 --> 18:16.850]  But a teeny percentage of a half million is still a countable number of actual living people.
[18:18.010 --> 18:27.130]  And once a half a million people started knowing he existed, he started getting really wacko emails and letters and phone calls.
[18:28.370 --> 18:30.030]  People were messing with him.
[18:30.110 --> 18:31.910]  He started getting death threats.
[18:32.350 --> 18:35.590]  He sort of took it seriously, but he kind of ignored it too.
[18:35.770 --> 18:44.330]  And he got this one letter in the mail from Austria saying that he was going to be killed at his next talk.
[18:45.390 --> 18:51.190]  Well, he went anyways, but he hired a security team who found out who this person was somehow.
[18:51.590 --> 18:54.770]  Through the postal code and whatever, they found out who he was.
[18:54.770 --> 18:56.590]  And he showed up at this conference.
[18:57.070 --> 18:58.250]  And he had a gun.
[18:58.650 --> 19:00.310]  And he was ready to use it.
[19:00.950 --> 19:02.830]  And they arrested him and took him away.
[19:03.070 --> 19:06.770]  But of course, as you can imagine, this freaked the fuck out of him.
[19:06.770 --> 19:15.930]  And now, when he meets someone new, all he will say is that he lives in what he calls Europe.
[19:16.570 --> 19:22.130]  And he'll give no other information at all unless he really knows and trusts somebody.
[19:22.390 --> 19:26.870]  He makes no more public appearances, no more books, no more talks.
[19:26.870 --> 19:29.830]  And now he lives in Europe.
[19:30.570 --> 19:36.290]  Hopefully, living a life, chilling out, and getting ready for whatever is next.
[19:38.630 --> 19:42.070]  Again, I became famous for, you know, just doing what I love.
[19:42.230 --> 19:44.930]  Teaching, mentoring, sharing my invention.
[19:45.870 --> 19:50.370]  And TV Be Gone for like a year or two was super famous.
[19:50.650 --> 19:57.210]  I was actually on every, virtually every TV station in the world for inventing something that turns TVs off.
[20:00.220 --> 20:02.640]  But, you know, news doesn't last too long.
[20:02.800 --> 20:04.520]  After a year or two, it's old news.
[20:04.680 --> 20:11.460]  But now I'm somewhat famous for, you know, and when I was famous and all that, I got really wacko emails.
[20:11.760 --> 20:16.220]  No one threatened to kill me, but a lot of weird stuff to contend with.
[20:16.220 --> 20:20.080]  There were so many other cool things that I could pretty much ignore it.
[20:20.140 --> 20:22.920]  And I didn't have to take death threats or anything like that.
[20:23.980 --> 20:25.760]  Seriously, because I wasn't receiving them.
[20:25.960 --> 20:29.700]  But now I'm sort of mildly famous in certain circles in the hacker scene.
[20:30.620 --> 20:33.600]  You know, giving talks, giving workshops all over the world.
[20:33.840 --> 20:35.680]  A bunch of people know who I am.
[20:36.140 --> 20:41.000]  And so I do have to contend with some really wacko people.
[20:45.200 --> 20:46.700]  And that makes me a target.
[20:47.860 --> 20:51.660]  If you're famous even a little bit nowadays, it makes you a target.
[20:52.220 --> 21:02.680]  And when you're a target for people who aren't doing what they're doing for the benefit of you or anybody else, But, you know, they're wackos, so who knows what's motivating them?
[21:02.940 --> 21:04.620]  It's no fun to be the target.
[21:05.000 --> 21:06.060]  It's no fun at all.
[21:06.240 --> 21:08.520]  You know, I'm, you know, mildly famous, right?
[21:08.640 --> 21:11.360]  So I have like 7k Twitter followers.
[21:12.000 --> 21:13.380]  You know, followers, what the hell?
[21:13.580 --> 21:15.980]  And 5k Facebook friends.
[21:16.940 --> 21:20.360]  I use social media now really just for broadcasts.
[21:20.420 --> 21:22.100]  To say, I'm giving a talk, I'm giving a workshop.
[21:22.260 --> 21:24.660]  Here's a cool video of an interview with me or something like that.
[21:24.720 --> 21:27.560]  Or a cute photo of a four-year-old soldiering at one of my workshops.
[21:28.480 --> 21:33.060]  But so-called social media is not the place for an actual public conversation.
[21:33.420 --> 21:36.140]  Anyways, I'm somewhat famous.
[21:36.540 --> 21:43.840]  And people who want attention can make use of that to gain more attention for themselves.
[21:45.740 --> 22:00.600]  So a few years ago, someone who wanted attention claimed on Twitter, our favorite fascist platform, that I, I derailed the rights of women in China.
[22:02.420 --> 22:04.060]  I don't know what that means.
[22:04.440 --> 22:07.160]  And if I did, I don't know if I would do it anyways.
[22:08.760 --> 22:10.320]  But that's what they said.
[22:10.320 --> 22:12.300]  And that generated a whole bunch of controversy.
[22:12.300 --> 22:15.100]  And I got tens of thousands of hate tweets.
[22:15.740 --> 22:17.080]  That felt horrible.
[22:17.440 --> 22:18.740]  That was super traumatic.
[22:19.000 --> 22:20.160]  I was a basket case.
[22:20.400 --> 22:24.260]  Even though I knew intellectually none of these people knew me.
[22:24.400 --> 22:26.820]  It wasn't personal, but it felt personal.
[22:27.000 --> 22:28.180]  It was super traumatic.
[22:29.960 --> 22:41.400]  And then a few months ago, someone on a public forum chat room with about a thousand people in it said, you know, I took one of Mitch Altman's workshops.
[22:41.500 --> 22:42.580]  It was really cool.
[22:42.740 --> 22:43.640]  He seems pretty cool.
[22:43.820 --> 22:47.460]  And then someone else evidently wanted to gain some points or something.
[22:47.460 --> 22:48.160]  Like it's a game.
[22:48.160 --> 22:49.080]  I have no idea.
[22:49.900 --> 22:53.340]  Assured that person that he is not cool.
[22:54.180 --> 22:55.680]  Mitch Altman is a total dick.
[22:57.480 --> 23:02.460]  He forces people to use toxic lead solder in his workshops.
[23:02.460 --> 23:05.940]  And he only does that so people won't ruin his soldering irons.
[23:14.180 --> 23:14.540]  Sorry.
[23:17.280 --> 23:18.880]  This one's probably still going on.
[23:19.000 --> 23:19.300]  I don't know.
[23:19.380 --> 23:20.880]  The last I heard of it was a few months ago.
[23:21.020 --> 23:24.120]  But there was this person who I actually met, an acquaintance.
[23:24.180 --> 23:25.640]  Maybe we saw each other 10 times.
[23:25.640 --> 23:27.160]  It was like 20, 25 years ago.
[23:27.300 --> 23:28.000]  It was a long time ago.
[23:28.040 --> 23:28.920]  I don't really remember.
[23:29.180 --> 23:38.580]  But he would contact everyone on LinkedIn, of all places, who gave me any kind of positive reaction for a post.
[23:38.840 --> 23:40.240]  Like I post on LinkedIn.
[23:40.760 --> 23:44.340]  But then he would ask for a connection request.
[23:44.540 --> 23:45.840]  And people usually just grant it.
[23:45.920 --> 23:49.740]  And once he gets that, he has their email because he has that kind of LinkedIn account.
[23:49.980 --> 23:52.280]  And then he would email all of them the same email.
[23:52.400 --> 23:57.140]  And I found out because some of my people who I'm connected with would forward it to me.
[23:57.260 --> 24:02.200]  And he claimed that he didn't even know because it was a repressed memory.
[24:02.200 --> 24:06.460]  But he just remembered that I did this unspeakable thing to him.
[24:06.460 --> 24:07.980]  And he would describe it in detail.
[24:08.320 --> 24:11.880]  And he just wanted these people to know what kind of person I am.
[24:14.580 --> 24:15.880]  That doesn't feel good.
[24:16.180 --> 24:17.460]  It feels really awful.
[24:17.700 --> 24:20.540]  It's really traumatic to have to deal with this stuff.
[24:21.540 --> 24:26.560]  But you know, I'm actually quite happy and proud to have done many of the things I've done.
[24:26.700 --> 24:28.560]  And of course there's things I'm not proud of as well.
[24:28.700 --> 24:33.300]  But there's many things I am happy and proud to have been able to do in my life.
[24:33.300 --> 24:39.040]  Especially in the second half of my life where I've learned since 33 eventually to live with my depression.
[24:39.400 --> 24:42.160]  And to live a life I think is way worth living.
[24:42.300 --> 24:43.600]  A life I love living.
[24:44.240 --> 24:52.520]  And if being attacked for that is part of it, I think it's worth it if other people find it worth it.
[24:54.000 --> 24:58.540]  Well, as long as I do what I do feels right to me, I'll keep doing what I do.
[25:01.890 --> 25:07.950]  So many kids, most of us probably, were taught to create goals in our lives.
[25:07.950 --> 25:10.570]  And to follow through with those goals.
[25:10.950 --> 25:16.550]  And told over and over again in different words maybe, but don't be a quitter.
[25:17.090 --> 25:18.650]  A quitter is bad.
[25:19.030 --> 25:20.330]  Reaching goals is good.
[25:21.150 --> 25:22.250]  But is it?
[25:23.410 --> 25:25.730]  In and of itself, I don't think so.
[25:25.910 --> 25:26.630]  But it can be.
[25:26.970 --> 25:29.550]  There's nothing wrong necessarily with goals.
[25:29.550 --> 25:38.570]  But for me, my perspective is goals are really important for taking one step in a direction you think is positive.
[25:39.750 --> 25:41.550]  Motivating you to move forward.
[25:41.850 --> 25:42.550]  To grow.
[25:42.730 --> 25:43.050]  To learn.
[25:43.290 --> 25:43.790]  And explore.
[25:44.630 --> 25:52.070]  But after you take that step, depending on what happens and what you experience, you're in a different place.
[25:52.830 --> 25:58.290]  You're a different person, maybe a little bit, maybe a lot, depending on the experiences from that step.
[25:59.330 --> 26:04.690]  And maybe that can give you a moment to reevaluate your goal.
[26:05.070 --> 26:07.090]  Is that still where you want to keep going?
[26:07.570 --> 26:08.330]  Maybe yes.
[26:08.570 --> 26:09.110]  Maybe no.
[26:09.330 --> 26:10.450]  But think about it.
[26:10.690 --> 26:13.810]  If it is, sure, keep going in that direction.
[26:13.810 --> 26:15.590]  Or maybe veer off just a little.
[26:15.790 --> 26:19.930]  Or maybe it's like, you know, there's this other stuff that seems cooler.
[26:19.930 --> 26:22.430]  Or maybe just going out and getting some fries.
[26:22.670 --> 26:23.030]  I don't know.
[26:23.370 --> 26:26.710]  So, there's nothing wrong with having a goal.
[26:27.730 --> 26:33.590]  Yet, having a goal and sticking with it, no matter what, I don't see as a good thing.
[26:34.210 --> 26:42.230]  Quitting, even running away, can be very good if it brings you more to a place you'd rather be.
[26:44.110 --> 26:46.750]  John Lennon has this famous quote.
[26:46.750 --> 26:52.530]  Life, he said, is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
[26:54.170 --> 26:56.050]  I think that's very much true.
[26:58.390 --> 27:01.690]  So, when you have a goal, which can be good sometimes.
[27:02.250 --> 27:03.610]  You think it's cool.
[27:03.750 --> 27:04.930]  You want to keep going there.
[27:05.410 --> 27:08.670]  There will always be obstacles that show up.
[27:08.850 --> 27:09.230]  Always.
[27:10.670 --> 27:12.170]  There will be obstacles in the way.
[27:12.330 --> 27:13.590]  Some of them are easy to get over.
[27:13.810 --> 27:15.230]  Some of them will be difficult.
[27:16.070 --> 27:20.210]  And those can give you an opportunity to reevaluate your goal as well.
[27:22.650 --> 27:27.110]  If you still think that it's worth going through your goal, then yeah, go through those obstacles.
[27:27.190 --> 27:28.170]  It's worth it.
[27:28.170 --> 27:35.570]  But instead, instead of an obstacle, it feels like a door slamming shut in your face.
[27:36.010 --> 27:38.870]  And then another door slammed in your face.
[27:38.990 --> 27:39.610]  And then another.
[27:40.410 --> 27:42.390]  Is it still worth doing it?
[27:43.930 --> 27:50.090]  And how do we tell the difference between an obstacle and a door slammed in your face?
[27:50.950 --> 27:52.470]  Well, you do know.
[27:53.350 --> 27:55.570]  You know the difference.
[27:55.590 --> 27:57.030]  You can tell the difference.
[27:58.290 --> 28:08.050]  And you can use each of these as an opportunity to reevaluate the situation and choose which steps to take next.
[28:08.790 --> 28:13.010]  And this can form the paths of your lives.
[28:14.850 --> 28:22.130]  But when you change a path, it can be really difficult and emotional because quite often we get attached to our goals.
[28:22.270 --> 28:24.090]  It becomes part of our identity.
[28:24.470 --> 28:28.850]  And if we let go of that and do something else, it can be painful.
[28:29.310 --> 28:39.150]  And yet it does free us to give us more time and energy to do what's next after we go through whatever kind of grieving process of letting go.
[28:39.810 --> 28:42.150]  But a bit more about depression, at least for me.
[28:42.150 --> 29:01.950]  As I said in other talks that I've given, I was beaten up pretty much every day in grade school by bullies, targeted by those bullies for being gay, for being fat, for being an introverted geek, for not caring who wins at sports, for being bad at sports,
[29:02.250 --> 29:08.730]  for being intellectual, for being weird in so many ways compared to other kids, I could not pass as normal.
[29:11.150 --> 29:15.910]  And quite often this would happen as the gym teacher stood there and watched.
[29:17.390 --> 29:22.570]  And my parents were no help at all because they were just as depressed as I was.
[29:23.210 --> 29:26.270]  And they couldn't even deal with their own pain, let alone mine.
[29:26.630 --> 29:32.610]  I know that now, but as a kid I just thought that they were horrible for not being there for me.
[29:33.190 --> 29:35.490]  Gym class, though, was the worst.
[29:36.870 --> 29:46.050]  Competitive team sports is something I will never understand and certainly didn't as a kid, but it was a daily thing of the other kids saying, No!
[29:46.510 --> 29:47.690]  You take Altman!
[29:47.870 --> 29:49.750]  We had to take him last time!
[29:50.570 --> 29:52.810]  Like, I'd make no difference at all to them.
[29:52.950 --> 29:55.950]  My feelings are totally unimportant, which evidently they were.
[29:56.690 --> 29:59.070]  Childhood can be really shitty at times.
[29:59.610 --> 30:03.490]  But, like all other kids, I would blame myself, internalize all that.
[30:03.730 --> 30:04.770]  You know, what do I know?
[30:04.850 --> 30:06.150]  What does anyone know as a kid?
[30:06.150 --> 30:09.350]  Anything we experience as a kid is normal to us.
[30:09.490 --> 30:12.290]  And I would say to myself, I must deserve this.
[30:12.550 --> 30:23.990]  My parents don't care, the gym teacher encourages this, the bullies beat me up, other kids would stand around not wanting to be bullied themselves, and encourage the bullies themselves, and point and laugh at me as they're kicking me on the asphalt.
[30:25.510 --> 30:30.810]  I must be a miserable piece of shit, I thought, that doesn't even deserve to live.
[30:31.550 --> 30:35.990]  And I would repeat that to myself so often that I became to believe it.
[30:36.190 --> 30:41.590]  It became a big part of me, and it's still with me today, although it's way less important now than it used to be.
[30:42.310 --> 30:45.110]  And you know, all of this sucked as a kid, clearly.
[30:45.350 --> 30:48.330]  But as an adult, it kind of serves me well.
[30:49.530 --> 30:57.610]  By being bullied and suffering so much as a kid, it helps me empathize with so many people on our planet who are suffering.
[30:58.190 --> 31:00.110]  I think that's really invaluable.
[31:01.090 --> 31:02.550]  And also being bullied.
[31:02.850 --> 31:06.030]  I wanted to be part of other kids, but I didn't have a clue how.
[31:06.570 --> 31:17.230]  So I would wander off away from the bullies, be by myself, and I wasn't so much influenced by the thoughts, opinions, and ways of other kids or teachers.
[31:18.990 --> 31:22.110]  So I learned to think about things in my own way.
[31:22.490 --> 31:24.470]  Have my own thoughts and opinions.
[31:25.290 --> 31:29.950]  And again, that really sucked as a kid, wanting to be part of other people and not knowing how.
[31:30.330 --> 31:33.930]  But as an inventor, that's what you need.
[31:34.270 --> 31:36.170]  Is thinking of things in your own way.
[31:36.370 --> 31:39.650]  Seeing problems that people don't even necessarily know exist.
[31:40.070 --> 31:42.270]  And then coming up with creative solutions.
[31:42.650 --> 31:47.210]  And perhaps this is why I became an inventor later in life.
[31:49.390 --> 31:54.910]  So, my journey through all of this brings me to a place here on this stage now, talking to all of you.
[31:55.110 --> 31:58.230]  I want to ask, what motivates us?
[31:58.650 --> 32:03.750]  What motivates us to do what we do in our lives?
[32:05.110 --> 32:08.130]  You know, how do you find meaning in doing what you do?
[32:08.250 --> 32:09.590]  How do any of us find meaning?
[32:13.190 --> 32:15.410]  There's no real answer to that.
[32:15.570 --> 32:17.490]  But I have some ideas that I want to share.
[32:18.690 --> 32:22.410]  You know, and somehow this is related to some notion of happiness.
[32:22.810 --> 32:24.890]  You know, and positivity in our lives.
[32:25.030 --> 32:26.090]  But what motivates us?
[32:26.190 --> 32:28.250]  You know, there's so, so, so many different things.
[32:28.410 --> 32:29.670]  But here's a really short list.
[32:29.670 --> 32:32.630]  You know, we can be seeking validation.
[32:32.950 --> 32:33.830]  External validation.
[32:33.830 --> 32:36.390]  Which feels really good when we get it from other people.
[32:36.630 --> 32:38.950]  We can seek attention from others.
[32:39.110 --> 32:40.310]  Which also feels pretty good.
[32:40.750 --> 32:42.310]  We can seek sex partners.
[32:42.570 --> 32:43.910]  It's kind of nice to have sex.
[32:44.270 --> 32:47.370]  Deeply held convictions from deep within can motivate us.
[32:47.510 --> 32:49.790]  To provide motivation to do all sorts of things.
[32:50.130 --> 32:53.710]  We can be motivated by constantly learning and growing and improving.
[32:54.010 --> 32:57.170]  We can also need to serve other people.
[32:57.330 --> 32:59.430]  Some of us have a deep inner need to do that.
[32:59.430 --> 33:00.350]  And it feels great.
[33:00.650 --> 33:08.750]  Some people serve others, as I have done, just for validation to appear cool from other people.
[33:11.050 --> 33:19.130]  So we can do stuff for reasons that bring us forward, that connect us more with ourselves, with other people.
[33:19.190 --> 33:24.170]  We can also do it just to avoid stuff inside that we don't feel good about.
[33:24.650 --> 33:29.230]  And that is sort of a source of addiction, which I'll say more about in a bit.
[33:31.150 --> 33:33.190]  But those are just a really short list.
[33:33.490 --> 33:34.550]  There's so many things.
[33:34.670 --> 33:38.610]  But I want to say a bit about some of those short list things.
[33:39.490 --> 33:40.010]  Validation.
[33:41.130 --> 33:45.470]  As social creatures, we need validation from other people.
[33:45.970 --> 33:49.530]  It's part of how we evolved to survive as a species.
[33:49.530 --> 33:51.910]  And we come together.
[33:52.190 --> 34:02.010]  And if we're validated for what we're doing by the society, the culture, the subculture, whatever around us, it motivates us to do more of that stuff, which feels really good.
[34:08.180 --> 34:08.720]  Right.
[34:08.900 --> 34:14.500]  But what are you willing to do to get that external validation from other people?
[34:15.700 --> 34:26.080]  Growing up with self-esteem, as I have done, maybe I, as I did, would want to create a mask that other people, I think, would like.
[34:28.180 --> 34:37.360]  And since I believed I was a miserable piece of shit that didn't deserve to live, that mask would be something people would like, unlike me, deep inside.
[34:37.360 --> 34:40.020]  If they saw that, they would certainly run away screaming.
[34:41.300 --> 34:43.000]  So I would create these masks.
[34:43.820 --> 34:46.540]  And then do things that I thought other people would want.
[34:46.700 --> 34:48.100]  And then I'd get validation for that.
[34:48.200 --> 34:49.500]  But it never felt authentic.
[34:50.040 --> 34:57.320]  Because they're validating that mask, and I know deep inside that I'm a miserable piece of shit that doesn't deserve to live, and they don't know that.
[34:57.460 --> 34:59.800]  So they're validating the mask and not me.
[35:00.000 --> 35:01.880]  And it never felt good.
[35:02.120 --> 35:03.520]  It never felt true.
[35:06.200 --> 35:10.460]  Another thing that I did was ignore my needs entirely.
[35:11.200 --> 35:16.640]  You know, since I'm a miserable piece of shit that doesn't deserve to live, what are my needs even worth?
[35:16.840 --> 35:23.040]  So I would find other people and try to do what I think they wanted me to do.
[35:23.040 --> 35:27.700]  And then maybe they'd want me around rather than run away screaming.
[35:28.380 --> 35:34.480]  And so through the years, I became really good at feeling out what other people wanted.
[35:34.560 --> 35:36.860]  But I never took care of my own needs.
[35:36.920 --> 35:42.080]  And those people didn't care about my needs because I wasn't good at choosing people who to take care of.
[35:42.280 --> 35:45.700]  I just stuck around people who would have me around.
[35:47.040 --> 35:52.400]  But through those years, I did become really good at nurturing people, at taking care of people.
[35:52.560 --> 35:58.240]  And as an adult, in the last half of my life, I've become quite good at being of service to other people.
[35:59.560 --> 36:04.260]  While also taking care of my own needs and making sure they're met.
[36:06.860 --> 36:14.060]  Validation is connected with a very universal basic human emotion, shame.
[36:15.260 --> 36:19.460]  In our culture, shame is shameful to have.
[36:19.980 --> 36:21.740]  It's really, really painful.
[36:21.740 --> 36:26.000]  It's almost shameful to talk about, to think about.
[36:26.000 --> 36:27.920]  It's just so painful and negative.
[36:28.480 --> 36:31.680]  But it's an important part, again, of our evolution.
[36:32.300 --> 36:33.720]  We're social creatures.
[36:34.320 --> 36:42.620]  And shame, in its best form, although still painful, can keep us in line from going too far out of social norms.
[36:43.540 --> 36:48.140]  And that helps us survive as a species, keeping social cohesion.
[36:48.660 --> 36:55.520]  If we go too far out of line, we automatically change our behaviors in order to fit in more.
[36:55.740 --> 36:58.940]  And this can be somewhat positive, even though it feels awful.
[36:59.160 --> 37:03.820]  But in different cultures, that can be much, much more galling than others.
[37:04.140 --> 37:13.760]  And I grew up in a very conformist society, Chicago suburbia in the 1960s, where you must be a certain way.
[37:13.920 --> 37:14.980]  It was very conformist.
[37:15.100 --> 37:19.480]  And other kids became super good at seeing any kind of difference at all.
[37:19.560 --> 37:20.480]  And I had a lot of them.
[37:20.620 --> 37:26.760]  And then publicly shaming me and other kids who couldn't pass as normal, whatever that is.
[37:27.040 --> 37:36.880]  And that can lead to that kind of public shaming digs deep down in our evolutionary makeup again.
[37:36.880 --> 37:41.940]  Because if you were kicked out of your tribe, that was certain death.
[37:42.460 --> 37:48.120]  And even though it's not certain death to us anymore, it feels emotionally like that, socially like that.
[37:48.280 --> 37:54.160]  And if we don't contend with that, and we internalize that, that's toxic shame.
[37:54.460 --> 37:58.120]  A deep inner knowing that one is fundamentally flawed.
[37:58.900 --> 38:03.380]  And that keys into where I was, being a miserable piece of shit that didn't deserve to live.
[38:04.100 --> 38:08.600]  And again, that notion is still with me, although it's way less important to me now.
[38:11.360 --> 38:17.860]  Nowadays, I can remind myself to be in the here and now, when that shame is triggered within me.
[38:17.860 --> 38:20.580]  And I think we all have that to certain degrees.
[38:21.060 --> 38:23.500]  People like me, we have to deal with that our whole lives.
[38:24.380 --> 38:26.240]  Maybe you can relate to that, maybe not.
[38:26.680 --> 38:37.280]  But I can remind myself to be in the here and now, and not be automatically on the asphalt, being kicked by bullies while the gym teacher stood there, while the other kids point and laugh.
[38:38.300 --> 38:40.800]  That was decades ago.
[38:41.240 --> 38:43.780]  The pain is still there, but I don't have to go there.
[38:45.540 --> 38:48.180]  Shame can be used against us in lots of ways.
[38:48.400 --> 38:51.160]  Like in marketing, that's a common thing.
[38:51.400 --> 38:54.200]  It's like giving you the notion that your life is inadequate.
[38:54.200 --> 38:56.900]  Your life sucks because you don't use product X.
[38:56.900 --> 38:59.440]  Unlike those cool, beautiful people over there.
[38:59.920 --> 39:00.840]  See those beautiful people?
[39:00.980 --> 39:02.240]  They use product X.
[39:02.500 --> 39:06.460]  You know, intellectually, this has no change, effect on us at all.
[39:06.600 --> 39:10.020]  But with enough repetition, it does have an effect on us.
[39:10.020 --> 39:21.120]  And statistically, product X is sold much more, much more by doing this kind of manipulation through marketing, whether it's for selling dish soap or a political candidate.
[39:24.760 --> 39:39.040]  Social media also makes use of this by getting you addicted through what they call engaging emotions to keep you on their platforms so they can sell you more stuff through this manipulative marketing.
[39:39.800 --> 39:42.640]  So anyways, we're all easily manipulated in this way.
[39:42.740 --> 39:44.480]  And this is why I made TV be gone.
[39:44.700 --> 39:48.820]  Even though I understand it intellectually, I'm just as easily manipulated as anybody else.
[39:49.000 --> 39:50.320]  We're all easily manipulated.
[39:50.800 --> 39:53.680]  Even if not intellectually, it just has this effect.
[39:53.880 --> 39:57.720]  So I made TV be gone so I would be exposed to that kind of stuff less.
[39:58.280 --> 40:00.040]  And it helped me feel better.
[40:01.020 --> 40:06.760]  So I had space in my mind to come up with my own stories rather than the ones repeated on TV over and over again.
[40:10.200 --> 40:12.280]  Back to validation and shame.
[40:15.140 --> 40:17.080]  There's lots of ways to avoid shame.
[40:17.160 --> 40:19.240]  And of course, we want to avoid pain in our life.
[40:19.640 --> 40:21.400]  Avoiding shame seems like a good thing.
[40:22.140 --> 40:23.740]  And there's all sorts of ways to do that.
[40:23.860 --> 40:25.820]  We've become the best at something.
[40:26.200 --> 40:27.540]  And that can be a good thing.
[40:27.720 --> 40:28.840]  We can make more money.
[40:29.180 --> 40:30.320]  Maybe that's a good thing.
[40:30.420 --> 40:31.320]  We can be more powerful.
[40:31.460 --> 40:33.000]  We can gain power over other people.
[40:33.000 --> 40:37.140]  We can work harder and gain validation from our boss, our coworkers.
[40:37.520 --> 40:40.020]  But this can become a driving force, an obsession.
[40:41.680 --> 40:44.060]  It's positive to be validated.
[40:44.120 --> 40:47.060]  And it seems to keep shame away.
[40:47.480 --> 40:49.000]  But the thing is that's external.
[40:49.420 --> 40:56.840]  How can we get enough of that validation when we know inside that we're not even changing because of that?
[40:56.840 --> 40:59.660]  Deep inside we still are who we are.
[41:00.040 --> 41:03.020]  And so we're back to where we were after that validation.
[41:03.260 --> 41:06.140]  After the rush of the nice feeling fades.
[41:06.720 --> 41:11.580]  Except we now know that yet again we got that validation and we're still the same.
[41:12.480 --> 41:13.980]  And so we don't know what to do.
[41:13.980 --> 41:16.900]  So we do the same behavior again.
[41:17.280 --> 41:19.620]  Whether it's behavior or substance or whatever.
[41:19.620 --> 41:22.580]  And this is what addiction is all about.
[41:22.980 --> 41:26.700]  Trying to avoid what's inside of ourselves.
[41:27.180 --> 41:29.020]  And I've done that a lot.
[41:29.340 --> 41:30.980]  My first addiction was TV.
[41:31.600 --> 41:37.660]  I tried to avoid the hellishness of my childhood by escaping it into TV.
[41:40.580 --> 41:44.800]  And while the TV show was on the pain seemed to be gone.
[41:45.100 --> 41:47.560]  But as soon as the show's over there I am.
[41:47.960 --> 41:49.280]  Being who I am.
[41:49.840 --> 41:57.420]  There's never enough to prove to myself that I'm not the miserable piece of shit that doesn't deserve to live that I believed I was.
[41:58.060 --> 42:01.700]  We keep doing what we do until we make another choice.
[42:01.980 --> 42:03.300]  Which again is not easy.
[42:03.580 --> 42:06.580]  So much in our modern world is driven by addiction.
[42:06.580 --> 42:11.400]  And a lot of these addictions are seen to be by many people positive.
[42:11.720 --> 42:12.780]  Like making lots of money.
[42:13.040 --> 42:14.720]  Having power over other people.
[42:14.920 --> 42:17.180]  Like so many of the dicks in Silly Valley now.
[42:17.300 --> 42:21.720]  The CEOs who are imposing their will on all of us whether we like it or not.
[42:21.900 --> 42:27.540]  Or our current batch of fearless leaders who are seemingly controlling us more than we want.
[42:28.360 --> 42:32.760]  These people though are driven by their own addictive behaviors.
[42:33.140 --> 42:34.060]  Having power.
[42:34.260 --> 42:34.820]  Having money.
[42:35.600 --> 42:39.100]  It's something they do to push away the pain in their lives.
[42:39.420 --> 42:42.420]  And I try to remind myself to be empathetic with them.
[42:42.640 --> 42:43.500]  But my anger.
[42:44.160 --> 42:45.520]  Usually wins out.
[42:48.260 --> 42:50.840]  Everything we do can be used to avoid ourselves.
[42:51.160 --> 42:51.420]  Everything.
[42:51.700 --> 42:53.060]  Including things we need.
[42:53.220 --> 42:53.760]  Like eating.
[42:54.760 --> 42:55.840]  Eating disorders.
[42:55.840 --> 42:57.420]  Others can be an addiction.
[42:57.800 --> 42:58.940]  To avoid ourselves.
[42:59.220 --> 42:59.920]  Eating chocolate.
[43:00.460 --> 43:02.960]  Downloading porn into the night and not getting enough sleep.
[43:03.240 --> 43:04.360]  Posting on social media.
[43:04.500 --> 43:05.000]  Doom scrolling.
[43:05.300 --> 43:07.840]  There's nothing wrong with any of these things in and of themselves.
[43:08.080 --> 43:14.580]  But if we're doing it to avoid ourselves unconsciously, maybe we can choose to do something else.
[43:14.580 --> 43:16.300]  There's nothing wrong with those things.
[43:16.400 --> 43:24.680]  The only thing wrong is if we somehow know that we can make another choice that would give us maybe a little bit more joy in our lives.
[43:25.120 --> 43:28.560]  Make us feel like we're doing something a little bit more meaningful.
[43:29.940 --> 43:32.380]  So maybe it's worth thinking about sometimes.
[43:34.500 --> 43:35.320]  Let's see.
[43:38.610 --> 43:42.830]  Let me skip some of these because I've been harping on this too long.
[43:45.190 --> 43:45.830]  Yeah.
[43:46.550 --> 43:47.510]  You know, like...
[43:48.430 --> 43:49.670]  I already did that.
[43:53.790 --> 44:07.390]  Yeah, so when we don't give the feelings inside of us that feel bad some kind of positive expression of focus outward, they become more pent up.
[44:07.790 --> 44:09.690]  That's my experience anyways.
[44:10.390 --> 44:13.570]  When we're trying to push it away, it doesn't go away.
[44:13.970 --> 44:19.250]  It just gets more pent up and then it will come out in probably a kind of icky way.
[44:19.530 --> 44:25.790]  Which probably means we're acting out and probably at people we admire, who we trust, who we love.
[44:26.030 --> 44:28.830]  Because these are the people least likely to abandon us.
[44:31.550 --> 44:39.650]  So, that causes a lot of strife in our lives that we can avoid if we can think about it and make maybe some different choices.
[44:39.650 --> 44:43.170]  Because we don't have to keep doing the same thing again and again.
[44:43.430 --> 44:47.910]  We can embrace those feelings when they come up and they come up in day-to-day life.
[44:47.910 --> 44:53.590]  You know, like your fearless leader says something totally, you know, another day of shit shows.
[44:53.910 --> 44:56.470]  Another day of doom scrolling can bring up these things.
[44:56.730 --> 45:00.850]  Someone you think is attractive on the sidewalk doesn't smile back.
[45:01.050 --> 45:03.950]  Whatever, it can be triggered by so many different things.
[45:04.130 --> 45:08.390]  You know, our corporate overlords creating another law or whatever.
[45:09.670 --> 45:13.450]  When it comes up though, that's an opportunity to actually feel it.
[45:13.810 --> 45:17.830]  The world doesn't end if you feel the pain inside.
[45:18.350 --> 45:19.850]  The world doesn't end.
[45:20.190 --> 45:22.090]  In fact, it becomes better.
[45:22.510 --> 45:28.510]  You can remind yourself that, as I do, it's okay to feel this stuff.
[45:28.650 --> 45:31.090]  Even if it sucks, it's okay to feel it.
[45:31.090 --> 45:39.630]  I can remind myself that, of course, given who I am, given my experience, this stuff comes up.
[45:39.790 --> 45:41.130]  That's part of who I am.
[45:41.290 --> 45:42.950]  Even if it sucks, it's okay.
[45:43.370 --> 45:47.150]  And I'm glad I am who I am.
[45:47.510 --> 45:51.050]  That wasn't true when I was a kid totally depressed, but it is now.
[45:51.290 --> 45:52.930]  Even when life sucks.
[45:57.010 --> 45:57.530]  So...
[46:03.180 --> 46:14.120]  And all that, it was really a big part of my process of getting to a place where, I could start living with my depression and learning to live a life that I actually enjoy living.
[46:14.420 --> 46:15.920]  That feels worth living.
[46:19.130 --> 46:21.370]  So, I'm going to skip this as well.
[46:25.760 --> 46:31.340]  I want to say just a little bit about meditation since that was an important part of my life.
[46:31.540 --> 46:34.740]  And it was a way of avoiding shame as a kid.
[46:35.220 --> 46:40.240]  When I was 13 years old, I heard this guy on the radio, Alan Watts.
[46:40.380 --> 46:41.500]  Does anyone hear of him?
[46:42.780 --> 46:45.340]  He's one of my intellectual heroes now.
[46:45.620 --> 46:47.580]  And as a kid, he gave...
[46:48.000 --> 46:52.320]  The first talk I heard of him, there was a half-hour lecture on radio about meditation.
[46:53.300 --> 46:56.120]  And, you know, he's this guy who kind of tripped out.
[46:56.280 --> 47:02.140]  He was going to be a Christian preacher, but, you know, freaked out and started learning about Eastern culture and philosophy.
[47:02.140 --> 47:05.340]  And meditation was one thing he talked about a bunch.
[47:05.620 --> 47:08.720]  And this powerful tool he talked about.
[47:08.840 --> 47:11.140]  And as a 13-year-old, I wanted to fix myself.
[47:11.400 --> 47:16.760]  And I thought that fixing myself included behaving outwardly different than I did.
[47:16.880 --> 47:22.040]  And I became a different person for each circle of acquaintances that I might be around.
[47:22.040 --> 47:23.840]  And that was crazy-making.
[47:24.140 --> 47:29.980]  And it really was crazy-making when someone from this circle and someone from that circle was right here at the same time.
[47:30.040 --> 47:30.740]  Who should I be?
[47:31.400 --> 47:32.380]  That was nuts.
[47:32.380 --> 47:37.840]  And it took lots and lots of years to untangle that mess that I created.
[47:37.840 --> 47:40.640]  And fortunately, meditation was helpful in that, too.
[47:40.860 --> 47:44.700]  But I did become really good at meditating.
[47:45.160 --> 47:52.760]  And that serves me super well in the last decades of this last half of my life.
[47:54.780 --> 48:02.380]  Another thing I did as a teen to try to boost my horrible self-esteem was to be right all the time.
[48:03.720 --> 48:10.420]  And I don't know what's so great about being right, but I couldn't be wrong because my self-esteem was riding on this so much.
[48:10.600 --> 48:16.440]  And I learned to argue by putting people down and winning every argument.
[48:16.640 --> 48:20.000]  And I must have been a total bummer when I was a teenager.
[48:20.000 --> 48:23.060]  And for anyone who knew me back then, I am so, so sorry.
[48:26.400 --> 48:29.860]  But I did become good at arguing not to win anymore.
[48:29.860 --> 48:37.360]  And nowadays, when I argue or discuss, even when there's strong disagreements, it's to learn from other people's point of view.
[48:38.040 --> 48:44.860]  As hopefully they're learning from me and to be respectful to one another, despite even being emotionally disagreeing with one another.
[48:44.980 --> 48:47.380]  We can still respect each other and learn from each other.
[48:58.880 --> 49:06.560]  One other really important thing along my path was being terrified of things inside of myself.
[49:07.140 --> 49:11.340]  One of the big things for me was being terrified of being gay.
[49:11.780 --> 49:18.360]  When I was a kid growing up in the 60s in this conformist Chicago society, it was totally taboo to be gay.
[49:18.360 --> 49:20.700]  Now it seems really silly to me.
[49:20.860 --> 49:21.520]  I mean, I'm gay.
[49:21.820 --> 49:22.780]  What can I do about it?
[49:23.820 --> 49:29.500]  But there's still a lot of people in the world who it's really, really dangerous to be known to be gay.
[49:29.900 --> 49:32.360]  But back in Chicago, it was also really dangerous.
[49:32.380 --> 49:34.240]  It was one of the reasons I was beaten up every day.
[49:36.240 --> 49:38.180]  But I've learned to live with that.
[49:38.300 --> 49:46.640]  And I've also learned through the years that anything that I'm terrified inside is worth exploring and seeing what that's about.
[49:47.320 --> 49:56.400]  And all of it becomes kind of silly after you face it and feel it like being gay for me.
[49:58.040 --> 50:00.800]  So living with fear is part of living.
[50:01.280 --> 50:02.860]  There's nothing wrong with feeling fear.
[50:03.000 --> 50:05.860]  I'm always terrified when I get up on a stage.
[50:06.020 --> 50:08.600]  I mean, all of you are just staring at me like, what am I supposed to do?
[50:08.660 --> 50:09.580]  What if I make a mistake?
[50:09.860 --> 50:12.500]  What if what I'm saying doesn't make any sense?
[50:12.600 --> 50:13.400]  Are you going to make fun of me?
[50:13.480 --> 50:14.280]  Are you going to beat me up?
[50:14.280 --> 50:15.240]  I'm going to be on asphalt?
[50:15.440 --> 50:15.880]  Whatever.
[50:16.160 --> 50:20.200]  So I can do what I do while being afraid.
[50:20.300 --> 50:24.800]  I can do what I do while being nervous or even terrified.
[50:25.100 --> 50:25.820]  It's okay.
[50:26.520 --> 50:33.880]  I always teach little kids, especially when I'm teaching them to soldier, I can say, it's okay to soldier while you're afraid.
[50:35.100 --> 50:36.840]  It's okay to soldier while you're crying.
[50:37.760 --> 50:39.300]  Yeah, I take that to heart.
[50:41.460 --> 50:44.800]  You know, I've learned from so much in my life, including from my addictions.
[50:45.800 --> 50:55.060]  TV being the first of my addictions, which led to TV Be Gone, which is how I made a living with 12 friends for almost 20 years.
[50:55.060 --> 51:01.800]  And yeah, we've sold like 880,000 of these things, crazy enough.
[51:02.180 --> 51:13.840]  And we can make use of all the things that we believed was wrong with us as a kid.
[51:15.500 --> 51:20.100]  As geeks, we tend to think that rationality is a great thing.
[51:20.200 --> 51:20.800]  And it is.
[51:21.300 --> 51:22.260]  Rationality is fantastic.
[51:22.420 --> 51:24.460]  We can use a bit more of it, especially in this country.
[51:26.260 --> 51:30.720]  But it should be in service to the whole and not so much the boss of our whole being.
[51:31.500 --> 51:37.220]  There are other aspects that are really important of our being as well, like emotions and feelings.
[51:37.740 --> 51:42.360]  And they can be even more relevant in certain situations.
[51:42.660 --> 51:48.120]  But when I was a kid, I totally admired this one character that was on TV for me a lot.
[51:48.340 --> 51:49.780]  He was called Spock.
[51:50.820 --> 51:51.940]  He was rational.
[51:52.320 --> 51:55.280]  He didn't have to deal with all these icky emotions, so I thought.
[51:55.280 --> 51:59.020]  But as an adult now, in the second half of my life, I see the one thing...
[51:59.020 --> 52:06.260]  One of the things that made him so interesting as a character was that he was half-human, according to Gene Roddenberry, the creator.
[52:06.520 --> 52:15.860]  And he was struggling with rationality and emotions, trying to make it all whole, as I think we all can benefit from.
[52:16.560 --> 52:23.100]  We need all of that in order to be a whole person and to live as good as we can.
[52:24.800 --> 52:29.580]  So intellect is really good, but so are emotions and so are feelings.
[52:31.800 --> 52:40.160]  There's one thing, exercise, which I've come up with, which I find really helpful for me and helpful for friends and helpful for people that I mentor.
[52:40.460 --> 52:50.980]  When you have a problem that's difficult to solve, that's not necessarily purely intellectual, you can think about the question on your own.
[52:50.980 --> 52:52.220]  Here's an example.
[52:52.820 --> 52:55.160]  A lot of you may have thought of this question.
[52:55.480 --> 52:57.440]  Should I quit my job?
[52:57.880 --> 52:59.240]  Anyone think of that before?
[53:00.360 --> 53:01.020]  Everybody.
[53:02.400 --> 53:07.700]  Jobs can sometimes really suck, but that is not an intellectual problem to solve.
[53:07.860 --> 53:11.740]  Intellect can play into it, but here's the exercise.
[53:11.740 --> 53:14.500]  Think of that question or whatever question you have.
[53:14.520 --> 53:16.080]  It can be more complicated.
[53:16.520 --> 53:20.960]  And go to a place where no one's going to see you and be distracting.
[53:21.400 --> 53:27.440]  Close your eyes and imagine that you just answered that question.
[53:28.100 --> 53:30.920]  I just quit my job.
[53:32.760 --> 53:33.720]  How does it feel?
[53:34.140 --> 53:37.480]  How do you imagine it feels that you just quit your job?
[53:37.960 --> 53:38.580]  As this example.
[53:39.620 --> 53:41.040]  How does it feel today?
[53:41.160 --> 53:41.780]  How does it feel now?
[53:41.900 --> 53:42.920]  How does it feel tomorrow?
[53:43.200 --> 53:44.920]  How do you imagine it'll feel tomorrow?
[53:45.320 --> 53:46.160]  Or in a week?
[53:46.260 --> 53:46.600]  Or in a month?
[53:46.640 --> 53:47.320]  Or in a year?
[53:49.420 --> 53:50.840]  That's valuable information.
[53:51.600 --> 53:53.840]  And now, answer the question differently.
[53:53.840 --> 53:58.320]  For instance, I did not just quit my job.
[53:58.480 --> 53:59.940]  I decided to keep my job.
[54:00.580 --> 54:02.460]  How do you imagine that feels?
[54:03.220 --> 54:03.780]  Today?
[54:03.980 --> 54:04.100]  Now?
[54:04.220 --> 54:04.720]  A week from now?
[54:04.800 --> 54:05.420]  A year from now?
[54:05.760 --> 54:07.900]  That's really valuable information.
[54:08.680 --> 54:19.380]  And in conjunction with intellectual exercise of like maybe making a column of pros and a column of cons, all of that can be really helpful.
[54:19.380 --> 54:26.840]  But the emotions are what's super important because those are what you're going to live with that you have no control over for the rest of your life.
[54:29.820 --> 54:30.420]  Yeah.
[54:32.460 --> 54:50.100]  One kind of ironic thing from being so depressed for me as a kid and for so many decades growing up is that I suffered so much through those years that now I don't want to waste any time at all doing what I don't like.
[54:50.440 --> 54:51.280]  Fuck that!
[54:52.080 --> 54:54.400]  I don't even want to do what I only like.
[54:54.460 --> 54:57.100]  I want to make time and explore and do what I love.
[54:58.060 --> 54:59.520]  However much time I have.
[54:59.720 --> 55:00.740]  You know, I'm 68 now.
[55:00.860 --> 55:02.340]  I know at some point I'm going to be dead.
[55:02.340 --> 55:03.680]  We're all going to be dead at some point.
[55:03.760 --> 55:04.460]  It might be tomorrow.
[55:04.560 --> 55:05.700]  I might get hit by bus today.
[55:05.980 --> 55:06.200]  Whatever.
[55:06.400 --> 55:09.780]  While I'm alive, I want to do something that's awesome for myself.
[55:10.300 --> 55:12.760]  Not just for validation from others, but for me.
[55:12.760 --> 55:15.820]  I want to live a life I love living.
[55:17.100 --> 55:25.140]  And if I weren't depressed those first half of my life, maybe I'd just get sort of an okay job and living an okay life.
[55:26.060 --> 55:26.940]  I don't know.
[55:26.940 --> 55:31.680]  But this is one of the ironies of life and living with depression.
[55:32.620 --> 55:40.260]  But now, I'm totally fine taking risks as appropriate to see what happens.
[55:40.260 --> 55:44.920]  If I think that it will make my life and the life of those other people around me better.
[55:47.840 --> 55:48.280]  Yeah.
[55:51.420 --> 55:55.940]  You know, that was actually a big part of learning to live a life that I find worth living.
[56:01.180 --> 56:02.060]  You know...
[56:02.060 --> 56:03.960]  I can skip that one too.
[56:12.280 --> 56:21.540]  If we know that something is the right thing to do, we can be motivated by that.
[56:22.860 --> 56:27.540]  We don't have to be motivated by a particular outcome from doing what we do.
[56:29.220 --> 56:30.580]  We're kind of driven to do that.
[56:30.720 --> 56:32.820]  And if we don't think about it, that's probably what we'll do.
[56:32.940 --> 56:34.720]  That's what I do all the time myself.
[56:35.040 --> 56:41.900]  But when I think about it, I can do what I do and be motivated just because I know it what's the right thing to do.
[56:44.780 --> 56:49.280]  And that way, I'm not going to burn out as I have in the past.
[56:49.900 --> 56:53.720]  Because I only have so much time and I want things to turn out the way they do.
[56:53.820 --> 56:55.820]  Of course, we all want things to turn out well.
[56:57.020 --> 57:03.480]  But if I'm attached to that outcome, I'm going to be very disappointed every time it doesn't happen.
[57:03.480 --> 57:05.460]  It's not going to happen most of the time.
[57:05.940 --> 57:15.720]  And the structures around us, society, corporations, governments, they endure through time, unlike us in our lives.
[57:16.340 --> 57:21.660]  The faces change there and they keep pushing, but we only live a certain amount of time.
[57:21.660 --> 57:28.680]  And if we're attached to outcome, we're not even going to make it through all those years with the motivation to keep doing what we're doing.
[57:29.060 --> 57:33.220]  And I would love to see us all keep doing what we're doing for as long as we're alive.
[57:33.740 --> 57:35.800]  I encourage everyone to do that.
[57:38.480 --> 57:44.060]  So, it also leads to being impatient and wanting things to change now.
[57:44.340 --> 57:46.980]  We see all these injustices in the world now.
[57:47.240 --> 57:51.580]  There's all sorts of countries who are bombing other countries paid for by our country.
[57:52.560 --> 57:53.540]  That sucks.
[57:53.780 --> 57:54.880]  We want it to change now.
[57:54.880 --> 57:58.820]  We see people who are being put down within our own country and our own communities.
[57:58.820 --> 58:00.360]  And we want it to change now.
[58:00.740 --> 58:01.720]  We're impatient.
[58:01.780 --> 58:05.680]  We want to see this pain stop for ourselves and those others around us.
[58:05.680 --> 58:08.920]  But things don't often change really quickly.
[58:09.260 --> 58:15.000]  And if we try to change them too quickly, we can experience a lot of backlash from society.
[58:15.400 --> 58:17.400]  And that's something to contend with.
[58:17.400 --> 58:20.440]  So, we're thinking about...
[58:21.020 --> 58:22.980]  So, back to control.
[58:24.000 --> 58:31.500]  We don't have control over what we put out into the world to try to change things or for whatever motivation.
[58:32.640 --> 58:41.080]  We don't have control over pretty much anything in our lives except for, again, the choices that we make.
[58:42.000 --> 58:47.460]  We also then don't have control over the consequences from our choices.
[58:48.400 --> 58:52.360]  But because of our choices, we will feel what we feel.
[58:52.920 --> 58:54.700]  And we'll think what we think.
[58:55.300 --> 58:57.600]  And now we know more than we did before.
[58:58.840 --> 59:01.740]  Because of those thoughts and feelings and other consequences.
[59:02.400 --> 59:04.120]  We know a lot more than we used to.
[59:04.240 --> 59:05.800]  So, now we can make another choice.
[59:05.980 --> 59:07.340]  Maybe we can do that a little better.
[59:07.980 --> 59:10.300]  And then there will be consequences of those choices.
[59:10.300 --> 59:13.140]  And then we have no control over the consequences.
[59:13.540 --> 59:17.200]  Yet we'll think and we'll feel and we'll learn from them as well.
[59:18.240 --> 59:23.700]  That process, which I just simply outlined, is not necessarily easy to come to.
[59:23.940 --> 59:29.520]  But that's the process that I see as the process of my life.
[59:29.520 --> 59:31.380]  A sequence of choices.
[59:31.920 --> 59:36.500]  Making them, learning from them, and then making new choices.
[59:37.440 --> 59:42.080]  So that I can look back from where I am right now.
[59:42.320 --> 59:45.040]  Looking back from where I came from.
[59:45.420 --> 59:47.160]  Getting to where I am now.
[59:47.540 --> 59:50.580]  Because of the choices that I made.
[59:52.420 --> 59:54.300]  This is true for me.
[59:54.680 --> 59:57.380]  If it resonates with you, it can be true for you too.
[59:57.720 --> 01:00:03.640]  I find intense, deep meaning, personally, from that process.
[01:00:03.640 --> 01:00:09.060]  That process, in and of itself, gives my life personal meaning.
[01:00:11.480 --> 01:00:27.320]  So over time, choice by choice, day by day, month by month, year by year, I can hopefully, probably, improve my life and the lives of those around me by continually improving the choices that I make.
[01:00:27.720 --> 01:00:30.940]  And I can do that even when I'm feeling like shit.
[01:00:30.940 --> 01:00:37.600]  For life always has ups and downs, and when I'm feeling like shit, it's just as painful as ever in my life.
[01:00:37.900 --> 01:00:39.680]  But it's less important now.
[01:00:39.980 --> 01:00:46.620]  I can remind myself, that I can acknowledge to myself, that these feelings are real.
[01:00:46.840 --> 01:00:51.640]  And that it is okay to be me, because it's the only thing I can be.
[01:00:51.640 --> 01:00:57.720]  And I am so grateful to be feeling all that I feel.
[01:00:58.080 --> 01:00:59.480]  Everything I feel.
[01:00:59.820 --> 01:01:11.000]  After the first 33 years of my life being totally depressed, feeling hopeless, with so many self-destructive behaviors nearly dying so many times, somehow I survived.
[01:01:11.900 --> 01:01:16.460]  Somehow, I survived, and I have no idea how.
[01:01:17.500 --> 01:01:21.500]  And I am so grateful just to be alive.
[01:01:22.040 --> 01:01:23.960]  To be here with you.
[01:01:24.600 --> 01:01:26.640]  Feeling everything that I feel.
[01:01:27.020 --> 01:01:30.860]  Whether I feel like shit, or like right now.
[01:01:31.380 --> 01:01:35.340]  Being surrounded by people like you, who I admire.
[01:01:36.740 --> 01:01:42.380]  People I can constantly learn from, and share with, and feel wonderful with.
[01:01:42.720 --> 01:01:47.420]  When life is magical, and pure joy.
[01:01:48.280 --> 01:01:51.740]  And I am way grateful to be alive, to be feeling all of that.
[01:01:52.100 --> 01:01:53.260]  So thank you.
[01:02:05.340 --> 01:02:07.620]  So that probably went way over, I have no idea.
[01:02:09.560 --> 01:02:11.020]  Yeah, sorry.
[01:02:12.560 --> 01:02:13.500]  I don't know.
[01:02:13.500 --> 01:02:16.600]  This is the last talk, so I guess it doesn't matter so much.
[01:02:16.840 --> 01:02:18.680]  But anyone have any questions, comments?
[01:02:20.340 --> 01:02:20.820]  Insults?
[01:02:24.730 --> 01:02:25.670]  Yeah, you're welcome.
[01:02:27.930 --> 01:02:29.630]  Yeah, sincerely, thank you.
[01:02:31.070 --> 01:02:33.370]  I don't know if there's any questions online.
[01:02:35.630 --> 01:02:36.110]  Okay.
[01:02:37.810 --> 01:02:38.290]  Yeah.
[01:03:01.720 --> 01:03:02.480]  Thank you.
[01:03:03.040 --> 01:03:08.460]  So if you didn't hear that, he said he appreciates me teaching other people to teach other people who teach other people.
[01:03:08.800 --> 01:03:10.420]  And magnifying all of that.
[01:03:10.620 --> 01:03:12.140]  Hopefully in a positive way.
[01:03:12.420 --> 01:03:13.800]  Oh, here's the questions.
[01:03:14.460 --> 01:03:18.280]  So, I'll do this, and then if there's another live question.
[01:03:18.700 --> 01:03:24.300]  About the TV and manipulation, specifically commercials, I remember living with two roommates during school.
[01:03:24.500 --> 01:03:29.960]  One roommate and I would both mute commercials nearly automatically, if we had the remote handy.
[01:03:30.340 --> 01:03:34.980]  The third roommate, after many months of seeing this, asked, why do you mute commercials?
[01:03:40.900 --> 01:03:43.180]  So, I don't know if there's a question in there.
[01:03:43.300 --> 01:03:45.660]  But, you know, the thing is, I turn TVs off.
[01:03:45.840 --> 01:03:52.400]  Like, even with the sound off, there's like this flashing colors and movement, and I can't not look at that TV.
[01:03:52.540 --> 01:03:54.140]  And I just want that shit off.
[01:03:54.300 --> 01:03:56.040]  And I can do that, so I do.
[01:03:56.200 --> 01:03:57.760]  And it's fun to do that.
[01:03:57.760 --> 01:04:09.580]  And, you know, even they design purposefully the content of TV program and the commercials to be effective with the sound off, because they know people mute it.
[01:04:09.760 --> 01:04:17.500]  And they try to put the repeated manipulative message in there in the first few seconds, because they know people will change the channel as well.
[01:04:17.500 --> 01:04:22.520]  So, I think it's good to mute, but it's also good to just turn that shit off.
[01:04:23.040 --> 01:04:27.740]  So, someone else said, a lot of us work to avoid ourselves.
[01:04:27.740 --> 01:04:30.380]  I learned that from my father, who was a workaholic.
[01:04:30.560 --> 01:04:34.780]  I tried that myself, and it didn't really serve me too well.
[01:04:34.780 --> 01:04:35.260]  So,
[01:04:39.750 --> 01:04:40.150]  yeah.
[01:04:49.640 --> 01:04:50.160]  Okay.
[01:05:23.120 --> 01:05:23.640]  Congrats.
[01:05:29.080 --> 01:05:29.600]  Validation.
[01:06:16.710 --> 01:06:17.750]  It's not easy.
[01:06:18.430 --> 01:06:19.590]  It's way not easy.
[01:06:19.630 --> 01:06:23.850]  If it were easy, no one would be addicted to anything when they know it no longer serves them.
[01:06:24.070 --> 01:06:25.290]  It's really, really hard.
[01:06:25.670 --> 01:06:27.110]  It becomes part of ourselves.
[01:06:27.330 --> 01:06:49.670]  So, just for people who couldn't hear the question, this person bravely said that they've been addicted to self-harm, and for many years being no more than a week without doing those harmful behaviors, but now has been nine months without them, and is wondering, how do you...
[01:06:51.310 --> 01:06:59.370]  Basically, if I paraphrase, how do you break these cycles of making choices to continue with addiction rather than make new choices?
[01:06:59.370 --> 01:07:03.750]  It's really hard to make these new choices and do something else.
[01:07:03.750 --> 01:07:10.070]  Even when intellectually we know that other choices could be better for us, it's super comfortable to do what we know.
[01:07:10.290 --> 01:07:14.410]  And it's super scary to do unknown things where you don't know where that's going to lead.
[01:07:14.570 --> 01:07:18.390]  We have no control over those consequences, and that can be really scary.
[01:07:18.790 --> 01:07:26.650]  Especially if we're around other people who sort of encourage us, maybe not consciously, but our friends are doing the same kind of things.
[01:07:27.470 --> 01:07:29.590]  Addicts like being around other addicts.
[01:07:30.410 --> 01:07:46.030]  And, you know, whether it's in a bar with alcohol, or whether it's shooting up with friends who are doing whatever kind of substance they're shooting up, or people who are congratulating each other on the financial market scene for making more money, and fucking over however many people,
[01:07:46.070 --> 01:07:48.210]  which is totally externalities and doesn't matter.
[01:07:48.210 --> 01:07:51.690]  All of these things, these addicts like encouraging other addicts.
[01:07:51.730 --> 01:07:52.990]  They don't want to be alone with it.
[01:07:53.510 --> 01:07:58.450]  So changing that, as you know, is not easy.
[01:07:58.750 --> 01:08:03.010]  But you have felt now the rewards and the pains.
[01:08:03.850 --> 01:08:13.670]  You know, changing your path, even if it's changing away from something you know is super negative, is still making a change, and you have to grieve that change, and that takes time.
[01:08:15.470 --> 01:08:22.430]  So, but thank you for doing that, because you're affecting not only yourself, but other people as well in a positive way.
[01:08:22.570 --> 01:08:32.110]  And even if you act out from the pain while you're freaking out about dealing with, you know, the addiction that still lingers, you're moving forward.
[01:08:32.630 --> 01:08:34.310]  Thank you for taking those steps.
[01:08:41.360 --> 01:08:44.080]  So, let me, uh, oop, what do I do?
[01:08:48.040 --> 01:08:48.460]  Oh.
[01:08:50.660 --> 01:08:51.620]  Yeah, let's see.
[01:08:51.720 --> 01:08:52.960]  Is there other stuff here?
[01:08:53.200 --> 01:09:12.900]  Neither the other roommate or I, continuing from that last bit, could really process why someone would ask this, you know, why do you mute TV, didn't have an answer other than something glib like saying lies, a commercial is lies, plays, uh, a la the trip?
[01:09:13.180 --> 01:09:14.300]  I don't know what the trip is.
[01:09:14.380 --> 01:09:15.320]  Is that some TV show?
[01:09:16.980 --> 01:09:17.820]  I don't know.
[01:09:18.020 --> 01:09:20.320]  Um, or something much more lengthy.
[01:09:20.520 --> 01:09:20.860]  LOL.
[01:09:22.300 --> 01:09:29.040]  Someone else says, uh, Alan Watts enlightened the OS's in her, what's that thing?
[01:09:29.400 --> 01:09:31.020]  Fear means interest.
[01:09:32.820 --> 01:09:33.380]  Hmm.
[01:09:37.560 --> 01:09:40.980]  Someone else gave the Spock emoji.
[01:09:41.920 --> 01:09:42.640]  Uh,
[01:09:45.780 --> 01:09:47.120]  any questions from here?
[01:09:47.740 --> 01:09:50.140]  Uh, favorite book from Alan Watts.
[01:09:50.320 --> 01:09:58.180]  I think the most successful and one that affected me the most when I was young is, uh, The Wisdom of Insecurity.
[01:09:59.000 --> 01:10:03.360]  Really easy, engaging, kind of fun book.
[01:10:04.160 --> 01:10:06.720]  The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts.
[01:10:07.100 --> 01:10:09.580]  And then lastly, the last question.
[01:10:09.720 --> 01:10:15.720]  Viktor Frankl, who's a concentration camp survivor, he wrote a very small little book.
[01:10:15.920 --> 01:10:20.020]  Um, um, the, the, the title's escaping me now.
[01:10:20.940 --> 01:10:21.280]  Yeah.
[01:10:21.520 --> 01:10:22.600]  Man's Search for Meaning.
[01:10:23.200 --> 01:10:25.780]  And that was a time long ago.
[01:10:25.960 --> 01:10:27.240]  It's People's Search for Meaning.
[01:10:27.380 --> 01:10:33.280]  But, um, it's all about how he survived concentration camp during World War II.
[01:10:33.280 --> 01:10:35.960]  And it's not like, uh, maudlin.
[01:10:36.280 --> 01:10:37.620]  It's not all of really emotional.
[01:10:37.780 --> 01:10:40.380]  But it's super powerful emotionally nonetheless.
[01:10:41.000 --> 01:10:54.680]  And the last half of his book is him going off into the world being a psychoanalyst, uh, psychologist, psychiatrist rather, um, with his, uh, therapy, which is helping people find meaning in their day-to-day lives.
[01:10:55.420 --> 01:10:57.360]  Really powerful, small book.
[01:10:57.500 --> 01:10:58.640]  Way worth reading, I think.
[01:10:58.640 --> 01:11:07.120]  So, um, uh, this person says, uh, Viktor Frankl mentioned meaning comes from believing in something bigger than yourself.
[01:11:07.400 --> 01:11:09.840]  Even if simply devotion to others.
[01:11:10.200 --> 01:11:12.540]  Do you have things bigger than yourself?
[01:11:13.220 --> 01:11:13.880]  Hell yeah.
[01:11:14.060 --> 01:11:16.080]  I mean, the world is bigger than ourselves.
[01:11:16.800 --> 01:11:18.260]  Almost everything's bigger than me.
[01:11:18.260 --> 01:11:19.220]  I'm just here, you know.
[01:11:20.020 --> 01:11:20.540]  Whatever.
[01:11:20.540 --> 01:11:21.620]  I have a brain.
[01:11:21.900 --> 01:11:24.860]  Uh, it seems to be kind of a big brain like all of our brains.
[01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:30.620]  We have all these things that can make us as, uh, um, um, neurotic as possible.
[01:11:31.120 --> 01:11:33.600]  And, uh, um, yeah.
[01:11:33.880 --> 01:11:35.720]  So, yeah.
[01:11:36.240 --> 01:11:36.740]  The world.
[01:11:36.740 --> 01:11:41.820]  We need to feel part of something bigger than ourselves, like community.
[01:11:41.840 --> 01:11:43.920]  That's why we're all here at this conference.
[01:11:44.060 --> 01:11:46.340]  And that's why we decided to do it every year.
[01:11:46.640 --> 01:11:50.520]  So that we can come together and support ourselves through these interesting times.
[01:11:50.900 --> 01:11:52.040]  Because we need that.
[01:11:52.140 --> 01:11:55.020]  And we always do that, even in the darkest times of humanity.
[01:11:55.380 --> 01:11:58.180]  We need to feel part of something bigger than ourselves.
[01:11:59.000 --> 01:12:02.100]  To feel like our lives are incredibly worthwhile.
[01:12:06.860 --> 01:12:10.100]  So, uh, what are your notes written on?
[01:12:10.620 --> 01:12:13.760]  Pieces of, uh, A4 paper.
[01:12:13.940 --> 01:12:14.740]  Because I live in Berlin.
[01:12:14.960 --> 01:12:15.760]  It's not letter size.
[01:12:15.900 --> 01:12:16.400]  It's A4.
[01:12:16.720 --> 01:12:18.040]  And they're cut into fourths.
[01:12:25.950 --> 01:12:26.530]  That's another question.
[01:12:26.690 --> 01:12:27.090]  Yes?
[01:12:27.550 --> 01:12:27.930]  Okay.
[01:13:08.980 --> 01:13:09.080]  Great.
[01:13:09.720 --> 01:13:12.120]  Is, uh, prayer is bigger than...
[01:13:13.480 --> 01:13:16.200]  Not for me, but it works for a lot of other people.
[01:13:16.200 --> 01:13:21.080]  So, um, I was brought up by atheists who were brought up by atheists who were brought up by atheists.
[01:13:21.240 --> 01:13:23.280]  Six generations on both sides of my family.
[01:13:23.560 --> 01:13:26.660]  So, we didn't have any deities to pray to.
[01:13:26.960 --> 01:13:30.220]  So, I don't really necessarily know what prayer is.
[01:13:30.500 --> 01:13:34.440]  Um, but a lot of other people find deep solace in it.
[01:13:34.560 --> 01:13:37.020]  And I think it's related to meditation.
[01:13:37.580 --> 01:13:43.440]  Um, and imagining that you're, um, feeling that you're not alone.
[01:13:43.680 --> 01:13:45.500]  That you are part of something bigger than yourself.
[01:13:45.500 --> 01:13:47.400]  That's what I think of when I think of prayer.
[01:13:47.800 --> 01:13:51.320]  So, um, um, but for me it's meditation.
[01:13:51.860 --> 01:13:57.000]  And then I can feel part of the universe in some way.
[01:13:57.200 --> 01:13:59.640]  You know, like even thinking on a quantum term.
[01:13:59.920 --> 01:14:00.840]  You know, I'm a geek.
[01:14:01.020 --> 01:14:01.520]  I'm intellectual.
[01:14:01.880 --> 01:14:02.180]  Physics.
[01:14:02.380 --> 01:14:02.840]  All that stuff.
[01:14:03.460 --> 01:14:09.980]  Um, there's, uh, the more you know about certain aspects, the less you know about others.
[01:14:09.980 --> 01:14:13.500]  And so we're not necessarily always localized depending how we think.
[01:14:13.660 --> 01:14:16.000]  And so, you know, here's my body here.
[01:14:16.160 --> 01:14:17.880]  It ends here as far as we can tell.
[01:14:18.020 --> 01:14:22.420]  But there's certain parts that extend infinitely into space or whatever.
[01:14:22.420 --> 01:14:23.700]  I can kind of feel it.
[01:14:23.860 --> 01:14:27.340]  Of course, when I was a teenager, I did lots of LSD.
[01:14:27.700 --> 01:14:32.220]  Um, and that makes everything feel connected to everything.
[01:14:32.460 --> 01:14:34.900]  And so maybe that's somewhat related too.
[01:14:35.680 --> 01:14:36.620]  Uh, uh, I don't know.
[01:14:36.720 --> 01:14:38.840]  I can only speak from my own experience.
[01:14:39.000 --> 01:14:41.120]  But if that works for you, then that's great.
[01:14:41.120 --> 01:14:44.580]  Oh, and for people who can't hear the question because the mics aren't working.
[01:14:45.260 --> 01:14:50.060]  The person said that, um, they were depressed for, uh, as a kid as well.
[01:14:50.300 --> 01:14:51.720]  And meditation helped a lot.
[01:14:51.900 --> 01:14:55.260]  And was wondering about being part of something bigger.
[01:14:55.520 --> 01:15:01.360]  Uh, they, uh, found solace in prayer, if I can, um, paraphrase.
[01:15:01.740 --> 01:15:04.720]  And was wondering if that is something I relate to.
[01:15:04.840 --> 01:15:07.000]  And that's explains my answer there.
[01:15:07.740 --> 01:15:08.900]  So, yeah, thanks.
[01:15:11.660 --> 01:15:12.220]  Cool.
[01:15:56.850 --> 01:16:04.310]  Yeah, well, it's basically kind of the same thing I said to the person who asked the question about their addiction to harmful behavior.
[01:16:04.670 --> 01:16:17.190]  Um, you know, and the question was, uh, you know, when you're addicted to something and you continue that, uh, and not making other choices, um, the addictive behavior becomes part of your identity.
[01:16:17.650 --> 01:16:18.170]  Is that...
[01:16:19.210 --> 01:16:22.990]  And so, like, what do we, what do you do, um, in the face of that?
[01:16:23.090 --> 01:16:25.730]  Because it does hurt to let go of part of your identity.
[01:16:26.030 --> 01:16:30.790]  And that's part of why it's so hard to, um, make other choices other than your addictive behavior.
[01:16:31.430 --> 01:16:35.330]  So, yeah, um, doing it anyways.
[01:16:36.150 --> 01:16:38.010]  Because you know it's the right thing to do.
[01:16:38.410 --> 01:16:42.230]  And then, um, getting support as much as you can from other people.
[01:16:42.870 --> 01:16:50.150]  And not being around the people who are encouraging you to do the things you know aren't so healthy for you.
[01:16:50.150 --> 01:17:04.110]  Um, part of the big thing of changing addictive behavior is being around people who can support you and growing the way you want to grow, rather than sticking to a way that you feel is diminishing the joy in your life.
[01:17:06.790 --> 01:17:11.110]  Yeah, so, not like I have all the answers or anything, but that's my experience.
[01:17:14.400 --> 01:17:14.920]  Cool.
[01:17:15.240 --> 01:17:17.140]  Well, thanks for enduring all of that.
[01:17:17.480 --> 01:17:20.580]  And, uh, um, yeah.
[01:17:20.800 --> 01:17:24.640]  So, there's other things going on at HOPE tonight.
[01:17:24.640 --> 01:17:29.320]  Uh, there's other things going out into the world in Queens and New York City.
[01:17:29.320 --> 01:17:32.040]  So, uh, I'll let you get on with it.
[01:17:32.560 --> 01:17:35.020]  And, um, see you all tomorrow.
[01:17:35.340 --> 01:17:36.340]  So, thanks everyone.