iXHS

Issue 25
About Tales of Russell
By Someguy named Jeff, edited by Ruiner



                Tales of Russell #1
		Presented by Ruiner
		Written by: A guy on the bus (Jeff)

		The Death of Brian Bigelow
		--------------------------

	Ruiner's note: I didn't write this, a guy on the bus gave it to me 
		       and after I read it he told me I could have it.  I
                       told him that it would be appearing in an "electronic
		       magazine" Now that the credits and disclaimer are 
		       aside (oh right, the credit, uhm, I know that the guys
		       first name is Jeff, uhm, I don't remember his last
		       name, uhm, ok) Uhm, this story is a tale of almost
		       pure fiction, it's more of a prophecy, a prediction
                       of things to come for poor Brian Bigelow.  Yes, Brian
		       Bigelow is a real Russell inhabitant who isn't too 
		       bright, and Jeff, who is a seer of many visions, saw
		       Brian's future and put it to words.  Brian should
		       watch out when he's driving.  Now, on with the story.


	One day Bigelow went out for a drive in his truck.  He was going
about 180Km/h when he was going through a construction zone with concrete
barriers all over the place.  Brian knew that he was a fucking idiot that
couldn't drive so he pressed the ejection button that he rigged into his 
seat.  Unfortunatly Brian didn't co-ordinate his roof with his seat, and when
looking at the truck from outside, a shape identical to the retarded body of
himself bent its way into the purple steel that was supposed to enable him
to eject.  When Brian was struggling and attempting to break free he kicked 
the truck into "R" for race according to him hoping that he would just have
a quick and painless death by hitting the low clearance bridge coming up,
but unfortunately for Brian that is not how it happened...

	Brian's body, wrapped up like a weenie in a bun, was struck right
at the swell at the top of his head and then crushed into a pulp by the 
pulverizing blow delivered by the cap on the back of the truck.  The indent
that Brian caused in the top of the truck acted as a shell keeping the fluids
and pieces of muscle inside of the flesh that remained.  The truck slowly
rolled to a stop when Brian died.

	Ruiner's endnotes: I would not be suprised one bit if the prophecy of
			   Jeff proves to be true, seriously, you have to 
			   talk to this guy for one minute to realize that
			   this is more likely to happen than anything else.
			   Have any of you ever listened to that Adam Sandler
			   CD?  Well in one sketch there's one character who
		           acts like he's feeling the effects of various 
			   things that have been sold to him when in fact
			   what was sold to him was fake (hash = pencil 
			   shavings, acid = corner of notebook) well that's
			   Brian Bigelow.  As you can read, he's not in for
			   an easy death.