Thursday
Load*,8,1.
It’s odd that old Commodore command should still be in my head. Maybe it’s because that was the first real computing I cut my teeth on. 18 years later, I would find myself attending the Fifth Hope conference in Manhattan. I was to be hosting another panel, Non-Lethal Technology, and I was hoping to have something I could walk away from this with that would make me nostalgic.
My wishes for a good room with a refrigerator were granted. My room, 1025A, had a GORGEOUS view up 33rd Street, and various rooftops. The fridge was there, and I was going to need that. I brought a bottle of Seagram’s, and Johnnie Walker red with me, and I needed something to keep the Coke cold. I brought some condoms with me, just in case, and I also had nice stash of chemicals with me. I tooted twice, and went downstairs to register. My paranoia was raging, too. I swept the room down for bugs, and every sweeper I had went off. Fuckin’ feds!
A guy from the Republican National Convention stopped in to get some pictures because there was a possibility that the space could be used for something. I was registered, got my grey armband, and punch card door prize. I wandered upstairs to see how things were going there, saw B9punk, wandered around for a bit, and went back upstairs.
Thanks to my being so anxious to get out of the house, I forgot my razor. So, I had to run across the street to Duane Reade where I bought the Coke, some disposable razors, and shaving cream. I made it back up to my room, and hit out, wondering what to do with the rest of the day.
As it turned out, I really didn’t do a whole hell of a lot. I went to Roy Roger’s for dinner, made Mr. Softee run, and did a lot of nothing. My room was mobbed at one point with all of my friends visiting, and they were enjoying the killer view of the city from my room. The rest of my night was spent drinking Seagram’s and Coke, hanging out in Grey’s room, and then I came back to my room to sleep it off. I had to stop and look at the city again in the summer night one more time before I crashed. Sleeping in Manhattan wasn’t an easy thing for me, as a rule, but that night sleep came quickly.
Friday
I was full of grogginess when I woke up. I got myself ready to go, even if it take me a good half hour to stop the bleeding from where I cut myself while shaving. The worst part of all that is that I wasn’t even completely sobered up yet. It stopped, finally, and I headed out for some breakfast.
Before I left the hotel, I wandered around in the network area of the conference. Maybe I was just there too early, but it seemed like there were no tables there. At the last conference, H2K2, there were too many tables, and now there weren’t enough. I saw another friend of mine, Skarecrow, and he was asking if he could use my shower. What the fuck? Is my room some weird destination for all my friends? Maybe I really do mean something to them after all. On the way out of that area, there were posters with the usual bullshit Liberal pandering. It almost killed my appetite.
I made my way to the Manhattan Mall, and went into McDonald’s for a Big Breakfast deluxe. It was a nice, and quiet meal, just how I like it, and I even had time to read the Fifth Hope program so I could figure out where the hell I wanted to go and learn about. When I came back, I stopped into the registration area where Leo was still volunteering. We talked for a bit, and another friend, Roger, came in. I haven’t seen in him in some time. He’s a teacher in upstate N.Y., if memory serves. What ever the case, it was good to see him again. When I was going back to my room, I wasn’t quick enough with the elevator doors, and it clipped me as it was closing, sending up a splash of the coffee I was still carrying from McDonald’s, not tea like I had asked for. No matter. I had to get back up to my room so I could do more typing, and try and get some energy in me, chemically induced if need be. I also had to go back downstairs. By now, the conference had actually started. I also had to get another program because the coffee had also made its way onto the program. I went downstairs, again, this time with anti-surveillance gear in tow. I spotted a fed, and I knew they were just like cockroaches; When you see one, there’s more lurking somewhere.
More waiting went by, and I went off to see the first panel of the day: More Hacking The Invisible World. Very informative, and it also raised my paranoia level a bit. We even got a see a neat little film from Amsterdam where there was a squatter riot, and the local cops were called in to quiet things down. The great thing about all this is that the film was a captured feed from a helicopter.
After that, I got to go downstairs, and watch Cyberpunk, a documentary of sorts about the whole hacking thing in the early 90s. Looking at it now, the graphics are cheesy as hell, but at the time, cheese was all we had. It did get a bit tiring after a while. If I were to have seen it at home, it might be different. My hunger was acting up, and I headed off to the Manhattan Mall food court for some Japanese, came back to my room, ate, and waited for Kevin Mitnick’s keynote at 4:00.
I should
have gotten to Kevin’s earlier. It was insanely packed, and hot as hell in
there, but it was well worth it. I was lucky enough to have met him twice in
the past, and I was hoping to get to talk to him again. I still feel for the
guy given what he went through in isolation, and just the hassles he had to
endure. I floated around downstairs for a bit, and then went back to my room.
The next panel I was to see was the Building Hacker Spaces.
That panel let me down. It wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for, and I headed out. There was more time to kill. Another panel was coming up that I had to see. Usually, I go to the Pirate Radio panels, but not this time. I was going to the Phone Losers of America.
The wait to get in was bordering on the unbearable. Everyone was so hyper. I can’t stand hyper people. I was also hassled again. Let’s back up a minute, shall we? After a 2600 meeting recently, I was lucky enough to go to the Round The Clock diner in the Village. My friend, Judas, and I were talking about Big Brother, the N.W.O., black helicopters, etc, and some punk kid who looks like an overgrown Bill Gates with a glandular condition and bad skin had to add his stunning ignorant comment of me having a tin foil hat at home. It’s one thing to have someone make a comment, but what got me was the snide tone in his voice. Well, the punk kid, now known as “Pee Wee,” had to start with me again. He asked me why I wasn’t going to be having another conspiracy panel like I had at the H2K2 conference, and I told him that I wasn’t because I didn’t want any more bullshit from him. With that, he was off, and left me alone.
The panel kicked off, and it wasn’t bad at all. Recordings of crank calls were played, and there were even some giveaways. What I liked about the panel is that it was so light hearted. I’m sick of panels that do nothing but bash Bush for an hour, and are so dry. It was good to have something to balance things out. Big shouts to Judas, by the way.
After the panel, I headed off to deal with Pee Wee. I was seriously ready to kick him in the balls with my skull crushing boots so hard he’d have his balls lodged in his nostrils, but security was standing there. Pee Wee, at the time of this writing, is still risking his physical safety if he continues to push me, but I knew better than to get violent. I talked to another friend of mine in security, and told them that someone might act up during my panel to be held on Sunday, Non Lethal Technology, and I wanted him barred from the room.
With that after my system, I was off to party in Emmanuel’s room. That was a killer party. Lots of alcohol, women, and strange chemicals were abounding. I was interested in the girl on the bed with the skirt pulled up showing her nice white satin panties. I got what I needed to, and got out of there. I wanted to stay there, but the place was too crowded. I also knew it was just matter of time before hotel security and/or the cops were called. It was definitely time for me to escape, and I did. My whiskey and coke, as well as the coke in my pocket, went back up to my room.
I took another look out at the city in the night, and then at my empty bed. I could’ve had someone, but, no. That rotten bitch Veronika who is now dead to me had to punk out. I had hoped that I might be able to get to talk to that one chick I was chatting to about my boots. Milk does a body good. I undressed, climbed into bed, and the next thing I knew I was sleeping.
Saturday
I wasn’t groggy when I woke up. I wasn’t exactly sober, either. The alcohol was still bubbling in me from the night before. I was, however, lucky enough to shave and not cut myself again. Score. My stomach was acting up again because it was empty. For as much as I love the deliberate freak outs I go on, I need an anchor, and that anchor is breakfast, even if it’s the only meal I’ll get to eat that day.
I made it downstairs, and roamed around a bit. I was by the escalator, and Skarecrow shoved a drink in my hand. It was clear, and I thought it was water, but a quick sniff showed it was vodka. Great. I wasn’t fully sobered up yet, and I was back drinking again. It was time to eat, and a stop to the BK Lounge was in order.
A friend of mine and I made our way up there to eat, and what a weird trip that turned out to be. There was no one in the place, and there was a chick, at least I think she was, and she sporting a little beard. I really didn’t need to see that before I was going to eat. The menu selection was tea, and French toast sticks. It wasn’t a bad meal, and the tea really hit the spot.
We ended up eating it back in the hotel by the escalator. The only problem with that was that we were sitting for a while, we lost our will to stand up. There was a panel I wanted to see, Phreaking In The Early Days, and I wanted to see it. No such luck. When I got upstairs, a mushroom cloud of weirdness went off, and I was right in the middle of it.
I had gotten up there on the 18th floor to see the panel. A small ember was burning in my mind. I blew my last 20.00 on coke, and I needed to eat. Now, Murd0c had been really after me for some. This could work for me. He needed coke, and I needed money. Luckily, he came walking in as I was talking to some other friends of mine.
We were not in the proper place to make a drug deal. It was a room full of hackers and possibly feds. A change of scenery was in order. We went back to my room.
Murd0c, and his boyfriend Mike, were in the room with me. A deal was made, and I had money to eat. Murd0c asked me if I wanted some coke, and, of course, I couldn’t refuse. True, the coke did need a bit more crushing, but it was exceptional quality. As I did my lines, Murd0c was even kind enough to play Marilyn Manson’s I Don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me. Yea! Mood music! Mike even lost his coke virginity. Then we just hung out for a while, talking about books, and how my girlfriend who died two years ago used to have bowls of coke, and towards the end, she was SERIOUSLY self-medicating. (Miss ya,’ Pam.)
There were plans to see Steve Wozniak’s keynote, and we headed back to Murd0c’s room. It was Murd0c, Mike, Judas, and me. It was a blast hanging with them. We talked about everything, and nothing all at the same time. They did have a TINY room, though. If that room were rented out to a Mexican family, it would be a great way to supplement income. We finally left there, and headed back up the 18th floor to see Woz.
Someone came on the stage, and said that there would also be a feed downstairs. We made sure to get down there. It was a lot roomier, and cooler, and the keynote was awesome. I remember reading about Woz’s adventures in the book Hackers, and now I was getting to see the man. Very good, indeed.
At 6:00, I was to see a lecture in Area C about color graphing, or some such mathematical thing. Math never was a strong point with me, and a lot of the lecture was over my head. There was time to kill, and Rev. Sergey and I trekked over to the Manhattan Mall, again, to get lunch. I went to Sbarro’s for a slice of pizza, and then off to Baskin Roberts for some cotton candy flavored ice cream. Then, it was back to more waiting for 6:00 to get here.
The lecture was given by the same one I went to breakfast with. Miss Kitty is her name, and math is her game. Math never was a good subject for me, hence why I majored in English. I could tell she was a bit nervous being up there, but it was her first time out, too. As I told her, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Still, it was a good talk, though. In fact, it even made me want to try and learn more about the math I never took. Maybe someday.
I headed back to room to watch the Britcoms I love so much, and waited for the next panel, Hacker Radio, to begin. I was hoping that was going to be a worthwhile hour spent. My own radio show hadn’t yet started, and I needed as many pointers that I could get. Murd0c, by the way, called my room twice looking for coke, and he even came by looking for some. Yes, I did notify the Betty Ford people about him.
The next panel was good, but there wasn’t really anything in it that really stuck out. The most I got out of it was that doing the radio thing like I want to do isn’t as hard as I think it is. There was party at the Hacker Halfway House, in Brooklyn, and I’ve wanted to go there for the longest time, but, due to time constraints, I could never go. Before I went, however, I stopped in Area C to see another talk that was going on.
This one concerned women being involved with 2600. Sure, it was fun to stand in the back and be complete pigs, but I wasn’t really sure by where the talk was actually headed. The one who actually hosted the talk seemed to just want to have a platform to crack the whip during the talk, and bash men. I left for the party.
Before I did, though, I found myself back roaming around on the second floor. I was informed that Skarecrow had been up on the roof taking pictures, was caught doing so, and was banned from the hotel. I met up with other friends there, Grey, and Rob T. Firefly namely. We were just hanging out there for a while, talking, and I noticed a rather attractive blonde carrying a sign saying “Kisses 1.00.” Yeah, I was worried about how it may have just been some cruel trick, and she would really just give a Hershey’s kiss, but that was not the case, as I found out. I forked over my dollar, and I was treated to rather enjoyable kiss. It was the perfect degree of wetness, and her lips were very soft, but I did walk away with the taste of lipstick and smoke in my mouth. I remember lying in bed that night thinking about how fucked up it was that I had to pay someone to show me affection, and I still don’t care that I had to.
Ah, yes. The Hacker Halfway House. The neighborhood seemed a bit too quiet for me, but I was rewarded. The HHH kicked ass, even if I didn’t stay too long. I got to make friends with Zero, the cat who belongs to B9punk, who runs the HHH, at least I think she does. The place was full of people, though not enough women for my taste, but it was very well stocked with good books. Most of the time spent there was me, and others, holding court up on the roof. Some guy up there claimed he was on “roof duty,” and he was being nasty about people sitting where there was no railing. We did have a nice view of the city.
By the time I got back to my room, I was beat. The Manhattan food had gotten to me, and my stomach was starting to get upset. I was quietly resting on the bed, and fell into sleep. My mind was noisy. I was worrying about how my panel would go, wishing I could have someone I could have some sleep next to me in my bed, and wondering how my cats were doing at home. I was also starting to get restless to get home. Maybe things would’ve been better in the morning.
Sunday
My stomach was still upset when I woke up. I made my way into the shower, and even that didn’t help me. It felt like pure acid was bubbling in my stomach. I was also worrying about how the panel was going to go.
I walked over to McDonald’s, and had hot cakes, sausage, tea, and two milks. It was just what I needed. No one bothered me. No one was hyper. I even got a chance to clear my head a bit.
When I got back, I stopped in front of the hotel and had a quick smoke. There were other conference goers outside smoking, too. Some talk had started about how there were men with dogs, and M-16s, and riot helmets. At first, I thought a raid was coming, as did someone else I was talking to. We even did some walking around just to see what was going on, and it seemed pretty quiet. It seems that N.Y.C.’s mayor Bloomberg has a new thing called Operation: Atlas. It, from what I can tell, is part of some new initiative to keep people safe, or some such thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were some kind of an implied threat to the hacker community.
The first panel I saw that day was the Urban Exploration panel. It was nothing really new to me. I’ve been into that scene for some time now. I did find it strange to see a UE panel at a hacker conference, but it is an activity in the hacker spirit. I didn’t get anything out of it, though.
So, it was back to my room to wait for my panel to begin. I was seriously still worried about some Fifth Column element showing up, and disrupting things in some way. The time just seemed to drag, and I was anxious about getting this thing done, and out of the way.
3:00 rolled around, and it was time. I was dressed well, or so I thought, and headed up to Area B on the 18th floor to do my thing. My fellow panelists were Leo, and Rev. Sergey. I thought it started out well enough, and then it nosed dived. Sergey got up and talked after I did my topic, and Leo didn’t get a chance to get up, and talk. I honestly believe that my panel will go down in history as the worst panel in the whole HOPE series. This is not a reflection on Leo and Sergey’s participation, either. In fact, I can’t really say with great detail what it is that makes me so let down with how the panel went. My topic was EMP bombs, and I think that was the handle. Maybe it was too techy for mass consumption. I might have even gotten in over my head. Maybe it was just too deep a topic for that panel usage. Either way, I really do feel that the panel was easily the worst panel that day, if not the worst panel that 2600 has ever had. It’s a complex topic, but I still feel as if I dropped the ball somehow, and I could tell that even my friends who attended didn’t really like it. Still, they made it there anyway, and I am truly grateful for that.
The Social Engineering panel was the next panel. I REALLY wanted to see it, but I didn’t rush right down there. I waited around to talk to anyone who might have a question about anything, but I really do have to take a moment to compliment to Fifth Hope staffers. They were so nice, accommodating, and easy to work with. It was enjoyable to have worked with them. Pee Wee, by the way, wasn’t even there. I did even go so far as to tip off security about him. That rotten fucker wasn’t welcome.
I went back to my room, alone, and poured myself a Seagram’s and coke. I felt spent. It was like I spent two years waiting to shoot my load, and when I did, it was a dry one. No one enjoyed it, and I’m sure there were a lot of people bad mouthing it around the conference, and other places, too. It wasn’t easy, but I tapped into some reserve of energy, and managed to make it downstairs.
All I can say is Thank you, Baby Jesus for Seagram’s. It REALLY helped take the edge off. I was feeling dejected, and, the alcohol was softening things. I didn’t want to stay upstairs where the panel was being held because it was just way too hot, and the fact there were hordes of unwashed hackers fermenting just made the argument for going downstairs that much more better. Yeah, so there I sat downstairs, on a hard white ass-killing chair, and I just watched the feed of the panel. I was also keeping my head down a bit in case someone recognized me from the panel I just bombed with.
Sergey came over, and took me away from there. We sat over in a desolate area near where the feed was, and we just talked for a bit. After a while, Judas came over, and hung out with us. It was cool hanging out like were. At the time, I hadn’t hit my hot dog quota for the week, and Nathan’s was sounding really good. Judas was even kind enough to pay for my eats. Thanks, man.
When we came back from there, it was time for another smoke. As we were hanging out there, Pee Wee made an appearance. Then, he felt the need to come over, and talk to me like everything is okay.
“So, how did it go?” he asked.
“Great, considering you weren’t there.” I answered.
Everyone around me seemed to get a kick out of that one, but Pee Wee had it coming. Yea! Sarcasm! Yea!
We wandered upstairs to watch the closing ceremonies. Then, I think the realization that these fun days were over, and we all just seemed to wander back to our rooms.
It was a grey morning I woke up to. I was sick of seeing that bitchy Katie Couric, Al Roker, and the rest of the cast of Today on Channel 4 every morning. My load was shot, and I was ready to get home.
I watched the rain falling for a bit, hopped in the shower, and rounded up all of my gear. It was a strange feeling I had. I was ready to go home, yet I still wanted to hang around for some reason. There was nothing left to see. The closing ceremonies were yesterday, anything left was probably looted, but I still wanted to stay. Maybe I was just too comfortable.
As I left the room, I had to stop and look back. There was a lot of laughter, good conversation, drugs, alcohol, and brooding in there. It seemed so empty now. I thanked the room for making my stay enjoyable, and headed to Grey’s room.
Every one there were in various states of waking up, and trying to get enough steam to go home. After hanging out for a while, our spent procession made its way downstairs to check out, pay bills, and head off to where ever home was.
Light rain was still coming down, and the whole group was headed up to McDonald’s for breakfast, but I had to get a train back to Dover. Judas had left already, and I assumed any one else I had met was well on their way home, too. Truth be known, I was a little miffed with Judas for leaving as early as he did. I wanted to personally shake his hand, and tell him how much fun the whole thing was. Another time. I watched the knot of people, Grey, Rufus, Matt, and others grow small as they walked up the block. I bought a copy of The Sun newspaper for my father, wished like hell I had luggage that rolled, and went down the stairs in Penn Station.
I drank a Coolatta, ate a Boston cream doughnut, and just pulled up some floor as I waited. My mind was so active that the hour’s wait felt more like it was 10 minutes. I wish I hadn’t set my sights so high for my panel. I was laughing to myself about some of the movies I had seen that had various clips of cats hanging from ceiling fans, and running into walls. I wondered what it would be like if I had someone staying in the room with me. I missed my friends.
So, I got on the train, and took a deep breath. I was FINALLY going home. More memories. More friends made. More fed watch lists my name was now on. Yeah, it was a good time. I don’t regret one bit of it, not even that shitty panel I did. I’ll just have to get ‘em next time, and there will be a next time.