Be Nice to Your Telco
Over the years, some bad things have happened to my telephone.
Once a silly caller terminated his call but did not hang up. I called the phone company (New York Telephone) from a neighbor's phone, but they said they were unable to do anything. They said they could not even tell me where the caller's phone was located. Acting on a hunch, I cruised my neighborhood looking for payphones. I found the phone I was interested in, but it was in a locked building, and I clearly saw the receiver dangling. The next morning I was able to hang up the phone, and my phone service was back to normal.
Another time the clever sewer workers hauled out my trunk and knocked out my phone. It was restored, but I was not getting any incoming service after that. The even more clever phone man came over, dialed the Automatic Number Identification, and lo and behold. I had a new number. They fixed that too.
My phone company has been generally nice to me even though I played some jokes on them. I suggest you do not do the following, as I have done in the past:
- Fold, spindle, and mutilate your billing card.
- Punch extra holes in it to increase your bill $10,000 or more.
- Cross out the line of numbers in magnetic ink at the bottom of your bill or check.
- Make out your check to a penny less or a penny more than what is due.
- Order as many free phone books for as many areas as possible.
- Order phone books for obscure areas covered by private phone companies.
- When you have free checking, pay with more than one check (10 or 20 per phone bill, for example).
- Write with thick black marker the word F*CK at the bottom of your check where the space for memos is located.
These activities cause the phone company to put more work into serving you. It causes them to process your bill by hand, to spend money printing and mailing phone books, and to read your unfriendly message. Don't do this or your rates will go up.
(Please contact 2600 IMMEDIATELY if you know other abuses currently making the rounds.)