This is dedicated to all the hackers and the crackers
I see in binary, I speak source code
Step on my toes, I'll post a million jpegs of you in a fag pose
In your digital stance, getting firewalled ho
Cause I'm riding the net in my six-fold
I was a dick with my 56
Now with my cable, I'm able to get that stable
On the out, my name is Ace and I'm a Leo
On the digital highway, my name is Neo and I'm a hero
In a flash, I'll school you on burning dream cats
You need some ISO? Let me do my hard drive rifle
Our exchange you could never stifle
In a digital hug, you just caught the love bug
I bootlegged your CD, I caused a fight between Un and Jay-Z
Your CG, it's all gonna be free
Whether we take it by force or we take it nicely
You feel that rattle in your bones?
When I tell you we just hacked out Jones
And NASDAQ leaves you flat on your back
Cause I am he who loves to hack and crack
This is dedicated to the hackers and the cruisers
Serial codes, source codes, ISOs, RANs, SIFs, SISs
This is dedicated to the hackers and the crack
Hello everyone and welcome to Binary Revolution Radio episode 50
I am StankDawg and you are joining us on our second ever telephonic craptacular
Now if you're not familiar with a telephonic craptacular
This is an episode of all phone calls
Some that we've recorded recently
Some we've recorded a while back since the first telephonic craptacular
Which was episode 25
And we put them all together here
And this is gonna be an all phone, all freaking kind of episode
So stick around and let's see what kind of good stuff we have
Now I'm gonna open up the show
A little back story here
I had bought a candy bar out of a vending machine
A Hershey's bar
And I thought it tasted a little old
A little strange
So I tried to figure out when it was supposed to expire
And of course the date on the back is all encoded and stuff
Not difficult, it's not really too tricky
But I decided to call their 800 number
Also on the back of the bar
And see if they give an explanation of how they do their encoding
So this is actually a call a couple days later that I made
Because, well, take a listen to this call
And you'll see how they do their encoding
And you can, I guess, impress friends and fellow geeks
With this information
This conversation may be recorded
For quality, control, or other business purposes
Why, thank you
Welcome to Hershey Foods Consumer Relations Department
Visit Hershey's website at www.hershey's.com
For hundreds of recipes, educational, financial, and nutritional information
And much more
If you have a question regarding one of our products
Please have the package and place of purchase address available
For product information and to share comments
Press 2
To hear fat and calorie information for Twizzlers Strawberry Twists
Jolly Rancher Hard Candy
Or Jolly Rancher Lollipops
Press 2
For storage and shelf life guidelines
As well as coding information for Hershey products
Including our cocoa and syrup
Press 3
If you are calling about the availability of Hershey products
Press 4
To speak to a representative
Press 5 or stay on the line
You go with 3
Shelf life varies from product to product
To help you determine the freshness of our products
We place a date code on the package
That tells you when the product is expected to be within its peak freshness
Keep in mind, however, that storage conditions greatly affect the quality of our products
There is an ink stance code on all Hershey's products
Within that code, usually at the end
There is a two-character code that represents the year and the month
The product is expected to be within its peak freshness
The first character is a number, 0 through 9
That represents the year
The second character is a letter, A through L
That represents the month
A equals January, B equals February, etc
For example, a code of 3D is fresh until April 2003
For cocoa storage guidelines, press 1
For syrup storage guidelines, press 2
Alright, so that's how the original version was going to go
And I was going to open the show up with that
Unfortunately, when I tried to call it
Something entirely different happened
And I did record it
Now, let me preface this by saying
That I got a little confused at one point during this call
And it asked for some numbers
And I just started guessing a couple numbers
I was still trying to get to the information I wanted
So I just wanted to make that clear
I'm not condoning or saying anything else was going on here
I thought I was still following the directions
And I was pretty much just doing what I was told
Trying to get the same information
So I just wanted to preface this call with that
So take a listen on what happened
But when I was actually trying to do this for the show
And I was going to try it
This conversation may be recorded for quality control or other business purposes.
You got it.
Welcome to Hershey Foods Consumer Relations Department.
Visit Hershey's website at www.hershey's.com for hundreds of recipes, educational, financial,
and nutritional information, and much more.
If you have a question regarding one of our products, please have the package and place
of purchase address available.
For product information and to share comments, press 2.
To hear fat and calorie information for Twizzler Strawberry Twists, Jolly Rancher Hard Candy,
or Jolly Rancher Lollipops, press 2.
For storage and shelf life guidelines, as well as coding information for Hershey products,
including our cocoa and syrup, press 3.
If you are calling about the availability of Hershey products, press 4.
To speak to a representative, press 5 or stay on the line.
That was 3 for coding information.
Welcome to Hershey Foods Corporation.
To leave a message in a voice mailbox, please redial the person's 7-digit telephone number
now using your touch-tone dial pad.
To spell the person's name, please press 1.
If you have a mailbox on the system and would like to retrieve your messages, please press pound
now.
Well, now.
Mailbox number, please.
Okay.
1-1-1-1 is not a recognized mailbox.
Please try again.
Please re-enter your mailbox number.
1-2-3 is not a recognized mailbox.
Please try again.
Please re-enter your mailbox number.
Sorry you are having trouble.
Please hold.
Someone will be with you shortly.
Hmm.
Thank you for calling the Hershey Foods IS help desk.
All systems are up and functioning.
For how-to questions on the use of standard Microsoft PC software packages,
including Word, Excel, and PowerPoint, press 1.
For SAT issues, press 2.
For schedule of weekend system availability, press 3.
For issues concerning Dairy Township telephone service, press 6.
For all other issues, including password problems, connectivity,
or to speak directly with a health desk technician, press 5.
To hear this message again, press the pound key.
Well, it's tempting to press 5 and see a password, but I'm not going to.
If you're having trouble using the service, please try your call again.
Don't know if I got that in on time.
Well, we're going to drop that anyway.
Anyway, you know, that's a freak disaster that potentially could have turned into something very, very fun
and may still after the recording is over.
But originally, I had called this number for something kind of fun, something kind of silly,
and that is that they have an explanation on how to interpret those weird codes on the back of candy
and stuff like that to tell you when the expiration date is
because there are some stores and places that are very questionable,
and, you know, candy and stuff they're selling is years and years old.
So I thought it kind of interesting, and I thought it would be a funny way to open the show.
However, the extension 3 that's supposed to take me directly to a recording
actually, as you heard, mentioned something about accessing mailboxes.
So doing a little playing around there on the spot, I didn't kind of plan that ahead,
but it appears that it's a three-digit number,
so that couldn't take very long to figure out the mailboxes' numbers.
And we all know how default passwords work, so that could be a lot of fun there.
It shouldn't take too long to find something.
And then after that, totally by coincidence, we got bounced to the IS help desk,
which is probably information systems, information services, something like that.
Could have gotten good info and possibly SC'd our way into a password.
Yeah, Mr. Jones, can you reset my password for me?
But I'm not going to do that.
Boy, that's very surprising.
It's 2 a.m. on a Saturday night, so I guess maybe there's maintenance going on.
I don't know if this is a small window to play with,
but sometimes the freak disasters can turn into your freak opportunities.
So I'm going to hang on to this.
This was originally going to open up episode 28 of Binary Revolution Radio,
but I may just have to save this for the craptacular.
We will have to see how that works out.
And obviously we now know how that turned out.
This is the second telephonic craptacular.
Again, that was an open phone number, publicly available, 1-800 number, that anybody could call.
And probably some maintenance was going on.
I assumed that when it prompted me, it was probably just a mistake in the system.
I figured maybe if I just punched in a couple default numbers that it would still take me to the coding information.
That's all that was going on.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Okay, now this next call is, a lot of the regular listeners know,
that I switched from DSL, BellSouth's DSL service, to Comcast cable modem when they jumped to 3 megabits per second.
So, it was time to cancel the DSL.
So, one thing I do when I make these kind of calls is I try to get as much information as I can.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting on the phone and establishing a dialogue
and just talking with people and asking questions and stuff like that.
You get a lot of information, confirmation of questions or things you may have heard and stuff like that.
There's nothing wrong with coming out and asking them this stuff
or, you know, doing a little practicing your SE skills, trying to lead them into some answers
or trying to get them to give up something.
So, this is kind of a long call.
I really could have made it much quicker by just saying, cancel my stuff.
Thank you. God bless. Good night.
But, I kept it on the line and did some transfers and got some other information,
so I thought I'd share this with the listeners.
Thank you for calling Bells South Internet Services about our Fast Access DSL products.
Para ayuda en español, marque 8.
Please enter the area code and telephone number of the Fast Access DSL account you are calling about
or inquiring about for new service.
You entered.
Come on now. I can't give you the number.
If this is correct, press 1.
If incorrect, please wait while we retrieve your information.
Please select from one of the following four options.
To order Fast Access Home Networking or to add features on your existing service, press 1.
For technical assistance, including questions regarding self-installation and email, press 2.
For questions regarding your bill, press 3.
If you're considering canceling a recent order or disconnecting your existing service, press 4.
There you go.
Please hold while we connect you to the next available representative.
Oh, you'll get a real person for that.
They'll give you a real person for that.
Please wait.
To ensure that you receive quality service, your call may be monitored or recorded.
Please hold for the next available billing representative.
Thank you.
We estimate your hold time to be four minutes.
A lot of people canceling.
To expedite your request, please have the following available to assist us with your call.
Your authentication phrase, which was set up at the time you registered your BellSelf.net account,
or your three-digit customer code, which is found on your BellSelf telephone bill.
Also, please have a pen and paper handy in the event our specialist provides you with information that is necessary to write down.
To save you all the pain and suffering of being on hold that I had, I edited about five or six minutes of dead air out of this call.
Thank you for calling BellSelf Internet Services.
My name is Ms.
Edit.
May I have your area code and telephone number, please?
Uh, well, I just typed it in a second ago, but it's not for public consumption, that's what.
Okay, and who am I speaking with?
This is StankDawg.
StankDawg.
Would this also be your callback number for Disconnected?
Uh, yes, it would.
Okay, and verify the address on the account.
Yeah, 1060 West Addison, Chicago, Illinois, 60613.
And I pulled up this account as s-underscore-d-a-w-g-at-bell-south-dot-net?
That sounds right.
Okay, and there's a security word, which may be the mother's maiden name?
Um, DDP?
I'll have something different on here.
Um...
Just give me the last four of your social.
1337.
Okay, and how can I help you today, sir?
I want to cancel my DSL.
All right, and did you need these, um, canceled effective today?
Uh, yeah, as soon as possible.
All right, was there any reason that you're canceling?
I switched over to cable modem.
Okay.
And, um, if we were maybe to give you $20 off your service for six months,
do you think that you'd want to keep it?
Um, if it were $20 cheaper permanently, maybe, but, um, no.
I, I, I'm not, I'm pretty set on the cable modem now.
Okay, and did you need to keep your dial up to continue your email address, sir?
No, I do not.
All right, well, let me place you on hold.
It'll take a few minutes, and I'll go ahead and process that cancel for you, okay?
Thank you very much.
All right, thanks.
Once again, I saved about three or four minutes of your mind-numbing time on hold,
and we'll jump straight to the chase.
Dog?
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you for holding, sir.
I've processed that cancellation for you to go effective today.
Okay.
And was there anything else that we could do to assist you at this time, sir?
Um, I just wanted to clarify what changes I will see on the bill, if you can help me with that.
I just want to make sure it's going to get rid of the $45 a month charge for the DSL effective, um...
As far as the bill, now, you've already been billed for the month of January,
so whenever you get your next month's bill, you'll get a credit back for January the 21st through 31st.
Okay, okay, good.
That will be the last DSL service charges you'll receive.
Great.
Uh, what about the, um, there's a $5 Bell South account fee that I don't need anymore, obviously.
Is that also going to disappear?
A Bell South account fee?
Uh, it was like $4.95, $5 a month.
I'm not aware of any charge like that for the Internet.
Um...
Get on your bill.
Yeah, let me look at my bill right now.
Let's see.
And in addition to that, um, since I no longer have the Internet access,
will I also lose that $6.50 a month charge for, uh, federal communications Internet access fee,
or whatever it's called?
Uh, that's a phone service charge.
That doesn't have anything to do with the DSL.
But it's something about only just pay for accessing the Internet.
Why would they charge me that if I don't have that anymore?
Where is that out on your bill?
Um, let me look right now and tell you I'm bringing it up.
Okay.
Okay, let's see.
There's a network access charge, but that's the only thing.
That's your phone.
That doesn't have anything to do with the Internet.
Alright, so how do I...
How would I get the...
Alright, it's $4,995 is the total charge.
Correct.
And the way it was explained to me is that it was $45 for the Internet
and then $4.95 for the Bell South account.
Did they split it up or subdivided it that way?
No, so we don't split it up.
It's just a lump $49.95 charge.
Okay.
And that is what you say is going to be prorated back to today's date on the next bill?
Correct.
Okay, that's fine.
Um, but you're telling me that on the other...
Let's see.
On the other portion, the $6.50 FCC network access charge,
there's nothing I can do about that?
I don't know what that is.
That's a phone service charge.
Okay, who would I talk to about that then?
If you need me to connect you with Bell South Telephone, I can.
Okay.
Um, yeah, can you do that please?
Mm-hmm.
And that number would be 800-753-0710.
And if you want to hold on for me one moment, I can go ahead and connect you, sir.
Great.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for calling Bell South Internet.
One moment.
Yeah, I don't really know that I had much of a choice, but thanks anyway.
Thank you.
Give me a real person.
Thank you for your patience.
If you are calling to report a repair problem, press 8 now.
If you're calling to get instructions on calling services, our automated system can help.
You will need your four-digit access code located in the helpful numbers section of your bill or the first page of your bill.
Press star now to use our automated system.
Or you can go to our website at www.bellsouth.com.
If you continue to wait, please have a pen and paper handy to write down important information.
Damn, how many different ways are they going to try to get me off of the phone?
Just give me some one.
Damn.
Bell South, may I have the air you call and telephone number you're calling about?
Yes, it's 123-456-7890.
Thank you.
May I have your name, please?
Well, yes.
That would be Stank Mother Fizzuckin' Dawg.
And how may I help you?
Well, I just was transferred to you from the Internet section.
I had DSL, and I just canceled it.
Okay.
So I just wanted to see what effects that was going to have on the rest of my bill.
Okay.
Specifically, there's something on there called something about an FCC network access charge.
Right.
So since I'm getting rid of the Internet thing and I won't have, I was wondering if that's going to go away also.
It won't.
That's actually an FCC-mandated charge, and that charge is actually for having the phone line.
Just for having it?
It's not about, I thought it said something about network access.
It's network, your phone network access.
It has nothing to do with the Internet service.
I see.
Okay.
Is there, when you're looking at my bill right now, is there anything else on there that's not mandatory or required?
Is there anything else that I can get rid of?
There surely is, and everything else that's on here is mandatory taxes and charges.
Okay.
So I have the lowest basic phone service, which is $11.04 a month.
Right.
And my total bill is how much?
I'm not exactly sure how much your total bill would be every month, but it's around $20.94 a month.
So $21.
So an $11 phone is costing me $21 a month.
Right.
Hmm.
Okay.
If I were to get rid of the phone completely, get rid of my phone service completely, is there still 911?
Is it true that that's active on all phones in case of an emergency?
Even if I don't have phone service, I can always pick up a phone and dial 911?
Yes, sir.
That is true.
So if I just leave it plugged into the wall, but I were to cancel with you right now, which I'm not, but if I wanted to cancel, I would always have access to 911 in case of emergencies.
Yes, sir.
Okay.
Thank you very much for your help.
I appreciate it.
You're welcome.
Bye.
So there you go.
If you switch to a voice over IP, which does not have 911 service, you can still get 911 just by plugging a phone into the wall.
You always have that.
Okay.
Now let's move on to something a little bit funnier.
That was kind of informative, I guess.
But let's move on to something that was a little bit more fun.
And this is a recording of Lucky225 and I on a little freak odyssey that Lucky embarked upon.
We were kind of talking and playing around on the phone and discovered something kind of interesting that if you were able to beep at the phone at the proper frequency,
you could get the phone to think that you had put coins into the phone.
So kind of voice red boxing, if you will.
So we actually recorded this for episode 48, I believe it was.
And this ended up hitting the cutting room floor for, well, we weren't sure if we should put it on that and kind of fits better in this telephonic craptacular episode 50 anyway.
So take a listen to this.
It might be in a couple parts here as I edited it together because Lucky had to do a little driving around to get to a payphone to try this.
So take a listen and see what you think.
All right.
What do you want to do?
Well, what I want to do is I want to go to a payphone and, you know, dial like a toll call and just when it asks for money, I'm going to do this.
Dude, by the time you beep into the phone enough, you'll have used up your minute that you paid for with all those nickels.
Right.
But it would be so funny.
It's going to come up with an error message that says, I know you're trying to cheat the phone because the phone doesn't hold that many nickels.
Hold on.
I'm going to see what the frequencies are on this.
So this started off as a sound check and turned into a freak odyssey.
That's pretty funny, dude.
So it has to be between those two numbers?
Well, the low tone is supposed to be 1,700 hertz.
As you heard, it was 1,695.
Right.
It has to be a 5 hertz tolerance.
Okay.
The high tone is supposed to be 2,200 hertz.
And apparently I was, what, 2,185 or something like that.
Right.
So that's what I was saying earlier about there's a lot of leeway.
That's how much wiggle room you have as long as you're within those two parameters.
Mm-hmm.
Then it'll recognize it as a red tone, as a nickel.
Yeah.
I thought that was pretty funny.
Is it?
Damn it.
Now I want to know if this is going to work out on the actual payphone or just on your
little test line there.
If you want, I'll drive down to a payphone and try it.
Well, you're going to do it for your show, aren't you?
I don't want to take that.
That'll be funny for yours.
No, no, no.
I really don't intend on doing it for default radio.
I usually sit at home.
And right now I'm really bored.
I will drive out to a payphone and try this.
All right.
Well, then, let's do this.
How long does it take you to get to a payphone?
It'll take me a couple minutes, man.
I'll call you on my cell phone.
When I go out to the payphone, I'll block the call locally to a long-distance number.
And then I'll use my calling card off of that long-distance number to call you and throughout
the show whenever it happens.
No way.
You really want to?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, we can do it like that and you have to keep beeping through the whole show?
Yeah.
I want to do it through the whole show.
I think it would be funny.
All right.
Dude, how much do you get for a nickel, though?
What do you mean?
How much time are you going to get for each nickel?
Well, because it's going to be like a semi-local number, it's only going to ask for like 10 cents
every three minutes.
Oh, man.
That's going to be a lot of beeping during this show, man.
It's going to be funny, though.
Come on.
I'll call you.
Oh, man.
That'll be so funny.
Yeah.
You want to do that?
Yeah, definitely.
Um...
Okay.
All right.
I'll be ready by the time you call.
Just call the house when you get there.
And...
Dude, this is going to be a funny episode.
All right.
I'm going to go pay for the call.
All right.
Late.
This is going to be pretty funny.
Yo.
Hold on a second.
I'm watching this undercover.
Making sure he leaves his parking lot.
He's just sitting here, like, acting like, ooh, there's so many cars coming.
Yeah.
You can turn now.
Get the fuck out of this parking lot.
Why is he there in the first place?
That's what I'm thinking, right?
Yeah.
I'm thinking about this.
Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.
Yeah.
We can do it for the fun of it, but maybe we shouldn't put this on.
Totally your call, though.
Hold on a second.
It sucks.
What?
You know, we can't hear the other end of that, so all we hear is you going, beep!
No, it sucks, because, uh, this particular phone still uses green box tones.
I don't want to go back home.
I'm not, uh, I can't do it with my voice.
It didn't work.
Actually, hold on.
Let me, uh, let me see if I can do it with my voice, like, literally, without the recorder,
first.
Yeah.
But this particular phone, uh, makes green box tones, and you can actually hear them.
They're supposed to be muted.
Huh.
Have you not used this phone before?
No, I have, but it's, like, it's different.
Oh, now it didn't, now it muted it.
I'm going to have to come back for that.
Ah, that sucked.
Oh, well.
I'm going to go try it on this other phone, because there was, like, some guy standing behind
me.
It's a good point.
Yeah, like I said, this might not be a good idea after all, but.
I just want to know now, out of curiosity, if it actually will work or not.
Yeah, see, that's what.
This particular phone wasn't even recognizing my regular red box sound.
That's what was pissing me off, so.
I'm going to go try it down here, uh, where there's no business.
So, no one's going to be using this phone or waiting to use it or anything.
I want to know why there was an undercover cop there in the first place.
Oh, I don't care.
Are you sure it was?
It might have been a taxi driver or some shit, but he didn't have any, he didn't have any
taxi logos or anything, so that's kind of weird.
It didn't have, uh, I don't know.
It, he didn't have, like, exempt plates.
He had regular plates.
Hmm.
But it was, like, a red-crowned dick with, uh, antennas all over it and, like, a pewter
in the dash.
Maybe it's just a war driver.
Alright.
Alright, now.
Let me try this again.
Oh, you gotta be shitting me.
What?
Out of order?
This, no.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
I can't dial on it.
That is fucking, that's bullshit.
What do you mean you can't dial on it?
The dial pad's locked.
It's, it's like one of those, uh, prevent drug deals or some shit.
They stop the keypad from working after, uh, after certain hours.
What the fuck good is a payphone when you can't use, oh, my God.
Yeah, it's stupid, it's stupid.
And then they complain that the payphones don't make any money and they take them out.
Yeah.
Well, how are you gonna make any money if you take them out?
Yeah, I know.
Stupid.
Utterly fucking stupid.
Well, you got another one to try?
Yeah.
Across the street here.
Um, but this one might have a little more business.
That's why I'm kind of like, goddammit.
Yeah, and that's another stupid reason to lock the tone, lock the keys on the other one.
All people are gonna do is walk across the street to the other one.
You're losing business.
Yeah, it's stupid.
Oh, look at this dumb motherfucker.
I hate people who can't drive, they're fucking stupid.
Don't use the drug dealer's phone, man.
They get pissed off, they don't get their calls.
Yeah, yeah, it was bullshit.
This fucker behind me, like, just standing there waiting.
I'm like, yeah?
They'll be here for a while, you fucking little dick.
Dude, if I hear gunshots, I don't want to be the last person you talk to before you die.
That would suck.
Oh, finally, they're, uh, getting in their goddamn car.
The payphone.
Oh, you're killing me.
You're killing me, man.
Seriously, man, it's a bitch.
I hate fucking, I hate, like, doing shit on phones, like, in this area.
Because then people are always, like, looking at you and shit, and they're like, uh, whatever.
Alright, I'm parking now.
Uh, good, good, good parking.
Man, I gotta come out to Cali and visit.
What the fuck did you do?
You don't have no fucking phones locked out because of drug dealers down here.
You know, kind of gay, huh?
Yeah, that's pretty fucked up, man.
I want to go.
They got that shit in New York, too?
Uh, yeah, I think they do, actually.
All right, let's see if this shit works.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, hold on.
You sound like a moron, dude.
I can't hear the other voice.
Beep, beep.
Is it working?
No.
I'm getting an operator.
Are you gonna beep at the operator?
Yeah.
Beep!
I'm sorry, sir.
But you have to deposit money.
You can't beep at me.
Okay.
Uh.
Come on, answer the phone.
What the hell?
She's not answering her phone.
Hello?
I just put it in $75.
Uh.
I.
You want to get my money back then, or what?
Yeah.
It's a trap!
All right, hold on.
Fear.
What happened?
Damn it, I want to record the other end.
I know, dude.
I ain't playing that in the operator's ear.
Bullshit, man.
Hold on, I'm gonna beep at her.
Hold on, all right.
Beep.
Sir, please stop beeping at me.
Beep.
Yeah, I'm just trying.
Beep.
What?
He beeped at the operator.
What?
Did you get that?
Beep.
Oh, you beeped at the operator, dude.
I'm so wrong.
You like that, or what?
Well, did you get that?
No.
It's pretty funny, dude.
Damn it, I wish we could have heard her, though.
Oh, damn it.
Oh, we should bridge it somehow so we can hear the whole thing.
Yeah, I know.
Well, this is what I'm going to do,
since I apparently can't even box with the real Redbox.
What I'm going to do is,
I'm going to go home,
I'm going to pick up my pickup coil,
and we're going to do some recordings at the payphone.
Mm-hmm.
That's really funny, man.
We are not going to get this show recorded.
It's almost 1.30, dude.
Oh, fuck it.
Okay, this guy is fucking,
okay, there is someone else there that he's actually talking to.
That's interesting.
Hmm.
Paranoid much?
It looked like this guy was talking to himself,
and then I realized there was a chick sitting down by him.
Like, I was like,
what the fuck is wrong with that dude?
Ah, life in the big city.
Ah, yes.
Beep!
Beep, beep!
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
You're looking at him,
wondering who the hell he's talking to.
He's looking at you,
wondering what the fuck are you beeping at?
Which one of y'all is a crazy motherfucker?
Now, if you don't cut out, I'm just going to pick up the pickup coil and then start heading back there
because I'm already at my house.
Damn, how close? You must live right outside of the fucking ghetto, huh?
Yep, yep.
Hmm.
Yeah, I'm already home, so if you don't cut out, then I'll just pick up the pickup coil and go right back over there.
Yeah, I hear you. You're a little bit staticky, but it doesn't sound like it's going to drop.
Yeah, well, right when I hit my house, it probably will. Are you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
Oh, wow. All right. Picking up the telephone, pickup coil, and, uh...
You still in the house?
Yes.
Uh, shit.
Hold on. I'm still trying to find the picture.
Here's the payphone adventure.
You there?
Yeah, I'm here.
Are you fearing the payphone adventure yet?
Payphone what? You're breaking up.
Adventures.
Oh.
Yeah.
I'm gonna, uh...
Drive back over there, and hopefully that fucking drug dealer will be off the phone right now so I can use his phone, and...
I want to get some of this shit recorded.
Say, excuse me, Mr. Drug Dealer, but could you step aside? I need to beep at the phone.
Yeah, right?
Hey, maybe, maybe you can teach him how to beep at the phone, too, and he'll give you some cash.
All right.
You'll have every drug...
The word would get out, and every drug dealer in town would be walking around beeping at telephone.
You start a whole...
You start this whole new trend.
I'm still recording all this shit, by the way.
Oh, shut up.
I'm serious. I never stopped it.
Oh.
I'm just gonna erase all this shit. I don't ever want to hear this again.
No way, dude.
We'll make a whole episode of Outtake.
One big long...
This is the freak adventure and freak disaster.
Oh, my God.
I don't ever want to hear this shit.
All right, I'm turning left.
All right.
Hopefully, that fat fucker's off the phone.
Fucking way gone by now.
It's only been a couple minutes.
Now, the fucker's still on the phone.
Still doing shit, man.
He needs to get the fuck out of there.
Go stand up real close to him.
Go stand up real close behind him and start beeping at him.
Beep!
Actually, it's a different fucker, so...
Maybe that fucker will be off the phone in a couple minutes.
Man, how can...
I didn't know pay phones were so free and popular.
Yeah, man.
This is the fucking ghetto.
Why?
You know what?
You know what I should do one time?
Maybe we could do this for default.
We'll do a payback.
Maybe I can go to, um...
It might be funny to film a whole episode.
Like, I'll go to a pay phone in the mall or somewhere down here in the airport or something.
And record the whole show from down...
From somewhere stupid.
Somewhere funny.
Oh, man.
Or not.
Yeah.
Sounded funny.
Sorry, I was checking out this hot chick.
Can't believe you have those in the ghetto, you know.
Well, you gotta realize, here it's 1.30 and I'm thinking to myself, what hot chick's walking around at 1.30 a.m.?
In the ghetto.
In the ghetto on a Sunday night.
She's a church girl.
She coming home from church.
Go back to the chicken shack or the taco shack or whatever it was.
Del Taco?
Yeah.
Well...
Take a hammer to it.
It'll make them work.
I need a tone dialer or something to fucking use on that phone.
That's the thing.
They locked the keypad, but the fucking, uh, the phone was unmuted.
Beat that.
Maybe you can beat the numbers somehow.
1-800.
All right.
Uh, fucking idiots.
If it's in the ghetto, you might have to speak Ebonics, though.
Yo, motherfucking 1-800-100.
So, a normal touchtone dialer wouldn't work.
I'd actually have to be like, 1-800.
1 motherfucking 800.
1 motherfucker.
4 to the 2.
4 to the 2 to the 1.
2 to the 1 to the 2.
The 8-0-0.
No, no, no, no, I'm motherfucking fine.
Represent!
Boy, what!
Man.
I'm driving in fucking circles waiting for this to get off the phone.
Uh.
All right, finally, that's off the fucking phone.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha.
Oh, man.
It's what you get when you live out here in Cali, man.
Seriously.
Going back to Cali.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
That's what I was singing when I, when I was, when I moved back to Cali.
I was like, I'm going, going.
Back to back.
To the ghetto.
Back to the ghetto.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's record this shit.
Oh, shit.
Now what?
Some piece of shit recorder.
I hate, I pull two things at once.
Fuck, I don't got any cash on me.
Is the fucking McDonald's open?
No.
What do you need cash for?
Huh?
What do you need cash for?
Uh, I was going to call my voicemail and deposit some coins and then record them.
Ha ha ha.
Ah, fuck.
Boy, this is a mess.
You there?
Yes.
What the fuck are you doing, right?
Recording something.
Hold on one second, listen to this shit.
Hold on, damn it.
Gail, let me tell you.
Gail is on.
Dude, there's some mad static or feedback or something.
Yeah, I know, it doesn't, it's like, hold on.
This is a test.
Of the emergency broadcast system.
I'm at a pay phone, 909-391-9275.
I'm going to try to call it.
I'm going to try calling a long distance number here.
Apparently my beeping does not work.
Beep.
Uh.
Track 111.
However, it doesn't have to have a phone.
Well, that would be servicing this long for an operator.
Ring, ring.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
One ring-a-ding-a.
They're getting money for this.
It's 50 cents.
Oh, I'm getting his rings.
Answer your phone, directory assistance.
Directory of the assistance.
Of the, I need the listing for a number in a city that's in a state.
And now you need to answer the frickin' phone before you finish.
Some bullshit, man.
Yeah, um, actually the city was going to be, uh, Las Vegas, Nevada.
I'm looking for, uh, the number for directory assistance there.
Uh, okay.
Prefer, uh, director assistance in, uh, Las Vegas, Nevada.
Uh, so if I'm in Nevada, I just dial 411?
You sure?
There are a different phone company out there.
Mm-hmm.
Really?
I'll get Verizon when I'm in Sprintland.
I was looking for, uh, the number for directory assistance in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Alright, thank you very much, sir.
Oh, I guess it is.
Shit.
My fuckin' cord got all tangled in this shit when I was recording.
It's a fuckin' bitch.
Ah.
Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
Yeah, it's a fuckin' bitch, man.
Seriously.
Tryin' to record a fuckin' phone call here.
You know?
Alright, hold on one second.
I'll fuckin' play that shit back to you.
It's funny as hell.
Uh.
You there?
Yeah.
Are you back in the car?
Yeah.
No.
Oh, you gotta be shittin' me.
What?
Somehow that didn't get recorded.
You're a noob!
Oh, you gotta be shittin' me.
Hold on one second.
Let me pull in this parking lot.
Oh, this is some fuckin' bullshit, man.
You there?
Yep.
Yeah, I'm in the car.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
You blew it.
Can you reach out my corner, please?
I heard that.
That's you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
Hold on.
Oh, I can't believe that didn't get recorded.
Oh.
That was the best fuckin' directory assistance call ever.
Oh.
And you didn't record it.
The guy was all like, uh, yeah, we picked up over there in Las Vegas, too.
I'm like, really?
He's all, yes, really.
I'm like, so when I'm out there in Sprintland, when I call 411, I'm gonna get a Verizon information
operator.
He's all, yes.
Well, are you sure about that?
He's all, yes, sir, I'm sure.
Hmm.
Man, I just kept pressuring him.
He's all, I don't seem to understand what you want, sir.
Like, uh, I want the number for directory assistance in Las Vegas, Nevada.
So, uh, fine.
702-5-1-2-1-2.
That's great.
Gee, thanks.
All right.
I'm back home.
Dude, it's almost 2 a.m. now.
Uh, that's bullcrap, huh?
You're killing me, man.
What do you want?
Whatever.
Whatever, I say.
What the fuck?
Um, I don't know.
What the fuck?
You're just bored tonight and you want something to do.
So I have to entertain you.
Yeah.
Is there a problem with that?
If you don't entertain me, I will resort to other...
Uh, to other forms of entertainment that will leave me long cast out during the day.
You're gonna go fucking out there with the...
Hang out at the drug deal place?
Hang out at the parking lot of the fucking 7-Eleven or wherever the hell you went?
Actually, there is a 7-Eleven, like...
Like, uh, two stores down or some shit.
Oh, God.
All right, let's record this fucking show, you douchebag.
Dude, my phone's, like, dying now.
Oh, come on!
See?
You put me on to make me stay up.
It's almost 2.
It'll be all...
After 3 o'clock by the time we're done.
All right, all right, all right.
Hold on.
I gotta call you back, seriously.
My phone's about to die.
All right, bye.
Bye.
And, after that freak odyssey, we commenced to recording episode 48 of Binary Revolution Radio.
So, these are the kind of things you miss out on, the stuff that gets, uh, recorded sometimes, and, uh, usually never sees the light of day.
But, in this case, we figured we'd share it because it made us laugh.
We hope it, uh, made you laugh, too.
So, speaking of laughing, as we come to the end of the show here, I thought we'd play a couple of, uh, submissions we had from our longtime friend Kleptic.
Um, had a couple of prank calls, and, uh, hope you enjoy these.
Uh, I'm not sure how many I'm gonna be able to fit in here, how much time we have on the show, but, uh, take a listen.
Hi, um, my name is Bob Tarkish, and I have a serious computer.
It's a problem.
Can you hold on a minute?
Sure.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
May I help you?
This is Bernadette.
Okay, Bernadette, my name is Bob Tarkish, and I have a serious computer problem.
It seems that I have a virus, and when I open up my windows, a ghost appears, and he says boo, and he scares my children.
I'm not sure how to get rid of it.
But, you know, when you normally click on Norton Antivirus, well, rather than that triangle thing, the ghost from Super Mario Brothers pops up.
I've never heard of that one.
Yes, I don't know.
Norton won't seem to take care of it should I bring my computer in.
Yes, I'd have to see it.
Okay.
Also, I was wondering, do you sell those special brushes to clean out the keyboard?
Um, we don't carry those in stock, but we can blow out the keyboard for you with the equipment we have.
Oh, that would be lovely, because I have eaten plenty of stacks at my computer, and it's getting quite gummed up, you see.
So, should I bring it in, then?
Sure.
All right, thank you very much.
I will be bye later this afternoon.
Okay, we're open until 5.
All right, thank you.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Give me a number.
Call, follow...
Yeah.
Thank you for choosing Alpina Wal-Mart.
I have my direct to call.
Sporting goods section, please.
Sure, hello.
Thank you, ma'am.
Sporting goods, Ray.
Oh, hello there, Ray.
This is William.
I am interested in, uh, possibly purchasing a trampoline.
Uh-huh.
For the spring and summer seasons.
Uh-huh.
Uh, so I was interested in what kind of the trampolines you had at the Wal-Mart today.
Uh, let's see.
I've got two of them in here.
Let me see what the price on it is.
Hold on.
Okay.
I have the NBF for $188.
$188.
How big is that trampoline?
14 foot.
14 feet?
Yeah.
Wow.
You could fit all the Siberia on that trampoline there.
So, uh, anyway, like, how tall is the trampoline?
Uh, I believe they're about three foot off the ground or four foot off the ground.
Only?
Oh.
Because me and my wife of 37 years, we're interested in purchasing a trampoline for our
grandson.
You understand?
Uh-huh.
Because, you know, he's getting to the age where he likes to jump around and on things
and whatnot.
You know?
Yeah.
So, we're interested in possibly purchasing a trampoline.
You know?
Well, we've got them.
You got?
That's excellent that you've got the trampolines.
And they're 14 feet and what, is that the diameter?
Yeah.
The diameter is three or four feet off the ground.
Right.
Well, that's excellent.
That's excellent there.
Do you possibly think that maybe a trampoline would be good for a possible lovemaking for
me and my wife of 37 years?
Are you all through?
What?
No.
I'm interested in knowing this.
Good day, sir.
Because me and my wife of 37 years like to have sexual experiences on the trampoline.
Or you can hang out.
Yeah, well, and, you know, who wouldn't be interested in that?
But that is going to have to wrap up the show this week.
Thank you for listening to the second telephonic craptacular, Binary Revolution, episode 50.
Um, I'm sure there were some highlights and some lowlights mixed in there somewhere, but I
guess I'll leave that up to you to determine.
And we'll see you in 25 more episodes for the third craptacular.
And we'll see you in two weeks for episode 52, which will be our one year anniversary.
So look forward to that.
Um, in the meantime, next week we'll come back to you with a regular episode.
So until then, we will see you next week.
Same hack time, same hack channel.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone.
I've got this feeling, so appealing, for us to get together and sing, sing!
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone.
Ding, dong, ding, dong, ding, dong, ding, donanophone
It grows in bunches, I've got my hunches
It's the best, beats the rest
Cellular, modular, interactive, modular
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone
Ping, pong, ping, pong, ping, pong, ping, banana phone
It's no baloney, it ain't a phony
My cellular, bananular phone
Don't need quarters, don't need dimes
To call a friend of mine
Don't need computer or TV
To have a real good time
I'll call for pizza, I'll call my cabot
I'll call the warehouse, have a chat
I'll place a call around the world
Operator, get me, Beijing, ding, ding, ding
Yeah
Play that way
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone
Ying, yang, ying, yang, ying, yang, ying, banana phone
It's a real life mama and papa phone
A brother and sister and a dog a phone
And a grandpa phone and a grandma phone, too
Oh yeah
My cellular, bananular phone
Banana phone, ring, ring, ring
It's a phone with appeal
Banana phone, ring, ring, ring
Now you can have your phone and eat it, too
Banana phone, ring, ring, ring, this song drives me
Banana, banana phone, ring, ring, ring
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone
I've got this feeling, so appealing
For us to get together and sing, sing
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone
Ding, dong, ding, dong, ding, ding, do-nana phone
It grows in bunches
I've got my hunches
It's the best, beats the rest
Cellular, modular, interactive, modular
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone
Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, banana phone
It's no baloney, it ain't a phony
My cellular, bananular phone
Don't need quarters, don't need dimes to call a friend of mine
Don't need computer or TV to have a real good time
I'll call for pizza, I'll call my cat
I'll call the warehouse, have a chat
I'll place a call around the world
Operator, get me, Beijing, Beijing, Beijing
Yeah!
Lay that ring
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring
Banana phone
Ying, yang, ying, yang, ying, yang, ying
Banana phone
It's a real life mama and papa phone
A brother and sister and a dog a phone
A grandpa phone and a grandma phone too
Oh yeah, my cellular, bananular phone
Banana phone, ring, ring, ring
It's a phone with a peel
Banana phone, ring, ring, ring
Now you can have your phone and eat it too
Banana phone, ring, ring, ring
This song drives me
Banana, banana phone, ring, ring, ring
Boop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop