Our Space Alien Neighbors Are Back

File: UFO262

WHEN THEIR CLOCKS BEGAN RUNNING BACKWARD AGAIN AND THE TOASTER GLOWED IN THE DARK, BEN AND PATTIE MEYER KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WAS HAPPENING - THEIR SPACE ALIEN NEIGHBORS HAD MOVED BACK. WE THOUGHT THOSE WEIRDOS HAD GONE FOR GOOD, BUT THEY'VE RETURNED TO MAKE OUR LIVES MISERABLE, SAID FED UP BEN, WHO LIVES IN A RURAL AREA 11 MILES FROM CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA. FOR TWO TERRIFYING MONTHS BACK IN LATE 1990, IT WAS REPORTED THAT THE MEYERS WATCHED IN SCARY DISBELIEF AS THE STRANGE NEIGHBORS ACROSS THE ROAD: * DRANK BLEACH STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BOTTLE.

* SLEPT STANDING UP.

* DISCIPLINED THEIR YOUNG DAUGHTER WITH A HAND HELD LASER.

* GLISTENED LIKE ALUMINUM FOIL WHEN THEY STOOD IN THE SUN.

* PREFERRED STATIC TO MUSIC OR PROGRAMS ON RADIO AND TELEVISION.

* GRAZED ON THEIR OWN SHRUBBERY AND MOWED THEIR LAWN BY EATING THE GRASS.

* TOOK AIR AND SOIL SAMPLES EVERY OTHER DAY.

THEY VANISH BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES ANYTIME THEY FEEL LIKE IT AND REAPPEAR WHEREVER AND WHENEVER THEY WANT, PATTIE SAID. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW UNSETTLING THAT CAN BE? HELL, THEY WOULD BE IN THE SAME BED WITH ME AND MY HUSBAND AND WE'D NEVER KNOW IT. BEN AND PATTIE WEREN'T AWARE THE EXTRATERRESTRIALS WERE BACK UNTIL THEY LOOKED OUT THEIR KITCHEN WINDOW ONE DAY. THEY WERE IN THE BACKYARD LIGHTING CHARCOAL IN THEIR GRILL, BEN SAID. BUT WHEN THE CHARCOAL WAS RED HOT, THEY DIDN'T GRILL ANYTHING. THEY ATE THE DAMN CHARCOAL. THE FRUSTRATED COUPLE SAID THEIR TV SCREEN HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT STATIC EVER SINCE THE ALIENS RETURNED. THE CABLE COMPANY REPAIRMAN CHECKED OUR TV AND SAID THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. WHEN I TOLD HIM THE PROBLEM WAS WITH MY ALIEN NEIGHBORS, HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS NUTS. THE MEYERS TV ISN'T THE ONLY THING THAT'S GONE BERSERK SINCE THE ALIENS RETURNED. OUR KITCHEN APPLIANCES AND VACUUM CLEANER GO ON AND OFF WHETHER THEY'RE PLUGGED IN OR NOT, BEN SAID. OUR BLENDER KEPT US AWAKE HALF THE NIGHT LAST TUESDAY AND WE WEREN'T ANYWHERE NEAR IT. I'M CONVINCED THOSE CREATURES HAVE AN INCREDIBLE POWER TO PLUG INTO EVERYTHING WE OWN - PERHAPS EVEN OUR MINDS. THE FRIGHTENED COUPLE HAVE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE ALIENS AND TAPES OF HIGH FREQUENCY SIREN LIKE MESSAGES THEIR NEIGHBORS TRANSMIT SKYWARD EVERY NIGHT. BUT THE POLICE AREN'T INTERESTED. THEY POINT OUT THE ALIENS HAVEN'T VIOLATED ANY LAWS, PATTIE EXPLAINED. AND THEY NEED MORE PROOF THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR PROBLEMS. BEN AND I ARE GOING TO VISIT MY MOTHER IN AMERICA NEXT WEEK. MAYBE THEY'LL BE GONE WHEN WE GET BACK.