Media whoring. I recommend it! Yes, I too used to make fun of people that have made a life of it. That was until I tried it. It's fun! And funny too! Something u and yer cr3w can laugh about for quite some time!

My first press was in various print media publications. This is fun. Nothing like seeing yer nym in a respectable publication like the NY Times or Washington Post.

The television news and tv news magazines r a dif story tho. My first couple were kinda scary. I wasn't sure what they were going to ask and the last thing I wanted was to get stumped on camera and look like the total 4n7i31337 100z3r that I secretly kno I am! But guess what...in my experience, I've found most reporters aren't too tuned in on what they are reporting on. What this means is that you can basicly ignore whatever they ask you and just spout whatever doctrine you feel like promoting at that moment. But don't stray too far off topic of coarse, else there is less chance of them using it. Just direct the issue to the area you r expert in.

The following r some tips for making yer first media whoring expedition both pleasurable and productive.

• Have some of yer cr3w there and have them stand between the camera guy and the reporter if possible. They may be able to feed you a term yer fumbling for and save yer ass if yer brain goes into heat lock. ;] Just having a familiar face to look up at is nice by itself.
• Don't beep and click. Remember that yer talking to people and not other techs. Imagine you were explaining it to yer grandmother so you don't sound like R2. Any more than one acronym in a sound byte and you've lost them. Sometimes one is too many. Pretend you were describing it to yer grandmother.
• Keep it short and catchy. Out of 30 minutes of filming, they may only use 5 seconds. Nobody wants to understand how it works, just what happens.
• Make sure they know who u r! Check, dbl-check and then tripple check that they not only can say yer nym but know how you want it spelled and what cr3w yer affiliated with. A lot of people zone out on the getting their affiliation in, but think of it this way: what is the chance of anybody you meet having caught that snippet of yer ugly mug, much less remembering it? but if every member of yer cr3w gets one press shot and everybody rememberz to pimp the cr3w, the odds of some grrl knowing who u r and asking for yer autograph in a crowded restraunt in downtown Austin while hanging out with some buds in a rock band that thought *they* were the notorious ones....priceless.

So now yer saying, "Well, yeah Tex...but no reporters are calling me. Why not? Am I not pretty enuf?" The answer is *yes*, but that's not the reason they aren't calling. They aren't calling because they are lazy and stuck in a rut. They go to the same bullshit sources for the same misleading govt propaganda or business marketing material everytime because that's what they have been taught to do. To fix this you have to be a little less passive. Look up the reporter that wrote some tech piece with bogus info in it and find out their contact info and contact them. Explain in a calm manner how you think that some of the more interesting facets of the issure were ignored and you would be happy to explain them. Bust out with the SE skillz! Make you comming out of the shadows to talk to them a big-time privledge and make sure they get some extremely user friendly contact info on you. Do this a few times and hopefuly they will contact u b4 running some story with the word *hacker* in it.

If they call you and ask if you know somebody or who did something, that's because all us haxorz know each other. Right. When this happens, say in a non-definitive manner that u do in fact have the 411 but can't talk right then. (it's always funny 2 ask at that point if they r on a secure line!) Get off the phone, go git some specs from whatever resources u prefer and call them back with the *real* story. Of coarse I'm not suggesting going so far as to get someone busted. Unless it's me. Tex is an 455h0l3 and deserves punishment! (preferably from a grrl in black leather tho)

Once u git some practice, go compete in the haxor olympics! That's right...DefCon! Talk about target rich environment. In the early afternoon, you can't throw a rock without hitting a newz crew. Unfortunatly, I don't compete in this as it interfere's with training for my main event: the interperative solo sychronized self distructive drunken downward shame spiral with accompanying numerous extremely embarrasing photo ops. I'm goin' pro, baby!

Another important point that will make you respect yerself in the morning is: don't work under the moronic assumption that, *fukit! somebody'll remember to [git/record] a copy.* It may not seem important at the time, but you'll regret it later if you blow it off like I've made the mistake of doing several times. Or worse yet, don't go to all the trouble of getting a copy, only to leave it in yer rental car or someshit!

And remember: your doing the the world a service by educating the public that haxorz aren't the stereotypical pasty-skinned shut-ins with drug problems, bent on generating havok...er, uh...oh, that's right. Yeah we are! ;]

l8rz - tX

Salvaged Local Austin whoring in action: (look how fat Tex used to be!)
http://collusion.org/Media/000203/infosec.mpg
http://collusion.org/Media/000209/DDoS.mpg
http://collusion.org/Media/000216/Austin American Statesman.htm