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Father n0z3 Best
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by handel
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Who Am I
Obviously there are some of us who fit stereotypes, generation X and the like. In the hacking community there really might be some rebelious pimply-faced teenagers and some hippies that haven't quite come all the way down from that one last acid trip.
But for a moment, I'd to talk to those like me. Those with an innate curiosity about the world around us, but with precious little time to explore. Those who believe deep down that corporate-america isn't what America is all about, but who realize the importance of playing nice in order to be able to live comfortably. And even though the subject is probably not approached too often in the hacker community, as we get older there will be those who do want to settle down, get married, and start a family.
Where do I fit into the multitude of generational titles that exist these days? The "baby" in baby-boomer who cringes at the thought of being lumped into generation X. Whose parents are just turning fifty and whose friends are getting married and having kids. The all night drunk fests giving way to the Saturday morning soccer games and the Honda CBR 600 F2 traded in for a Jeep Cherokee.
But here I sit none the less, mid-twenties, married, and a 6 year old step-son. From geek to successful programmer, dork to fun-loving husband. But most importantly I am a hacker, and a father.
The Difference
As we get older, we are becoming those in power that we used to (and in most cases still do) oppose. Like it or not, we are becoming the parents, teachers, bosses, even the tech support guy who was the unsuspecting target of a social engineering experiment. Not to say that any or all of our predecessors were necessarily bad people. But perhaps ignorant.
But we are not. We are the enlightened few. We understand what makes people like us tick.
Maybe my parents didn't understand why I wanted to take apart the Atari they just bought me. Or why I used to stay up late on Friday nights, staring at the baby blue screen of my Commodore 64. Or, and I can't be alone on this one, maybe they really didn't care what I did. Which turned out okay for me because I was interested in electronics and GI Joe/firecracker unification techniques, not bomb-making and mass murder.
Maybe my freshman english teacher meant well when she praised me for my research paper about computer security. But I didn't find out I made an A until I got back from being suspended for "cracking" (guessing) the principal's logon password to the school's network (his son's first name).
It really isn't my boss's fault that I was repremanded for looking through a locked filing cabinet to find out if the paper dragon he just hired was making more than me. (Not only could he not code for shit, I actually had to explain to his lame ass the difference between a basic module and a class module in VB. Sort of makes you wonder what exactly the M$ curriculum teaches.)
I understand all these things. But the point is in all of this is that they didn't understand me. And that puts me in a position of responsibility to not only pass that thirst for knowledge on to my children, but to understand why they do the things they do.
The Real World
I'm in it now, man. Big time. I'm a father, an authority figure. And the worst kind no less, a step-parent *insert Psycho screeching sounds here*. But that doesn't mean I love my son any less or that he sees me as anything other than "his other dad". But step-parent or not, the responsibility is real. The responsibility of not letting your children become the mindless drones of their generation.
Every mindless drone out in the world had to come from somewhere. More than likely it was mindless drone parents.
The child never hears his parents talking about anything other than what happened on Friends the night before or what the family is having for dinner. They never go with the parents to vote, or to protest, or to support a local political candidate. They never get to see a real museum and what art is, or learn that there are actually more than three instruments with which to create music.
When something breaks, its thrown away and replaced. And if its on the ten o'clock news, its taken as gospel. No questions asked.
But children are born curious. They are hackers of life, just trying to figure out how it all works. Have you ever known a child who never asked, "Why?" or, "How come?" As humans, it goes against our nature to just accept what we are told or what we see as truth.
Its plain to see. Tell a child not to touch the stove because it is hot and what do they do? They burn themselves and associate the word "hot" with horrible pain that lasts for hours. It doesn't take a genious to learn not to touch things that are "hot". But notice that it's a learned behavior. To not question the world around you is a learned behavior.
Do As I Say
How do we change all this? By not teaching our children what we don't want them to learn. That sounds overly simple, but its hard to do.
Don't answer questions with "because", or "that's just the way it is." If you are too tired to explain it, tell them that and make it a point to explain it later. If you don't know, tell them that also.
Even more importantly, start showing them how to find the answers to their questions themselves. Even if they can't read yet, they will see how you search to find answers and they will pick up on that. Sometimes we get too grown-up and forget that kids are pretty damned smart. They understand these things.
Don't overly punish them for being curious. Sure, children need to learn self control and to mind and all that crap. But much of that comes with maturity. I'm not talking about the "telling the child not to eat the candy and he eats it anyway" kind of stuff. Its not the "right from wrong" trouble, it's the "Holy shit I didn't know THAT was going to happen" trouble.
I was 7 years old and playing with a magnifying glass in the backyard. Now in south Texas, that's some pretty serious shit in the summer. After getting tired of writing my name in dead leaves and doing "laser surgery" on grasshoppers, I went to get a couple of old firecrackers. I took out the gunpowder and went to work. Well, long story short, and one 911 call later, I set the back yard on fire. My ass was whippped and I was in deep shit, for weeks.
Well hell, its not like I went out into the bakyard thinking about how I could burn it down. And yeah I know playing with fire is bad and fire crackers are dangerous and all that crap. Understanding this, assuming the kid knows that what he did was stupid, and that he didn't do it on purpose, a simple "well I bet you aren't going to do that again" would suffice.
Deeper Understanding
It isn't that we have to teach our kids to be curious, or to question everything. They come pre-programmed to be like this. What we shouldn't do is to teach them not ask so many questions, or to accept anything as true without learning at least something about it. I see this happen all the time and it makes me angry. My wife even does it to some extent and we are constantly arguing about that.
Just as important as fostering this sense of curiosity, is to understand that this curiosity is what causes them to do stupid things sometimes. And curiosity might literally kill the cat. Or in my case leave it emotionally scarred for life with a phobia of washers and dryers.
So when my son pulled the fire alarm at our wedding because he could read the word "PULL" and wanted to know what it did, my wife went ape shit, but I... we... understand.
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