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H.C. F.A.Q.
Hack Canada
Fucking Annoying Questions
Last-Modified 2003/08/11
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01. Will you teach me how to hack?
02. I can't figure out how to Redbox, will you help me?
03. Will you (hack, ruin, deface, rape, kill, or otherwise fuck over) my
(boss, school, bank, puppy, government, ircfags, or little sister)?
04. Will you crack this software for me?
05. Can I be a member of Hack Canada?
06. Can I have a shell / web-space / e-mail account?
07. Will you link to my website if I link to yours?
08. Where can I find you guys on IRC?
09. This site is an affront to my wholesome christian sensibilities, how
do you sleep at night?
10. I'm a very special kind of retard, is there anything else I need to
be told?
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01. Will you teach me how to hack?
Yes. We just sit around waiting for those willing students with the
courage and visionary genius to ask that question. And now, for a mere
$1337/hour, we will teach you how to hack.
What? You can't afford our low hourly rate because you promised to take
your girlfriend to ice-capades? We find that very hard to believe. No
girl would be with you.
Ok, we like your suave style anyway, so we're going to let you in on a
little secret. There is an actual shortcut to learning how to hack. No,
it's not pestering us with asinine questions like "How do I hack?". Here
it is: learn a skill such as programming, networking, unix, electronics,
telecomunications, or anything else you feel you have a passion for...
by the time you become competent in your chosen area and you still want
to "hack" you will realize you have already learned how.
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02. I can't figure out how to Redbox, will you help me?
No. If you want to be a criminal you will have to figure that out on your
own. And if you can't even figure out how to Redbox, your life of crime
will certainly be a short-lived one.
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03. Will you (hack, ruin, deface, rape, kill, or otherwise fuck over) my
(boss, school, bank, puppy, government, ircfags, or little sister)?
Sheesh, at least try offering money when asking people to commit crimes
for you. Regardless, no, you will have to do your own dirty work.
It should also be noted that we do not do web defacements. Any defacements
attributed to Hack Canada are surely the work of Hack Canada worshippers.
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04. Will you crack this software for me?
What website are you looking at? No.
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05. Can I be a member of Hack Canada?
If you have made significant contributions to the Candian H/P community
and possess exceptional coding, electronics, *nix, telecom, or related
skills, then we will probably be asking if you want to join us. In other
words, don't bother asking us, we'll notice you if you're Hack Canada
material.
Besides, why would you really want to join us? I mean, the endless parade
of cash, drugs, and horny young hoochies is very wearisome. Our constant
moral infractions surely result in upturned noses and finger-wags from
the priggish beau monde. Can you imagine how disparaging that must feel?
Oh, who am I kidding? Bring on the sluts.
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06. Can I have a shell / web-space / e-mail account?
No.
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07. Will you link to my website if I link to yours?
Yes, if we feel it has content relevant to the Canadian H/P community. So,
no, probably not.
If you want an HC banner, here ya go.
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08. Where can I find you guys on IRC?
You won't find us on efnet, dalnet, or any other fagnet. Any #hackcanada
channels you may find on these networks are probably run by people who
worship us, and only a crackbrained philistine would do that. Therefore
they should probably be avoided.
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09. This site is an affront to my wholesome christian sensibilities, how
do you sleep at night?
On a big pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
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10. I'm a very special kind of retard, is there anything else I need to
be told?
Yeah, of course there is.
. If you have a question and you don't know who to send it to, send it to
Cyb. If you spam the whole group you will be ignored, blacklisted, and
automatically subscribed to dozens of pedophilic mailing lists, many of
which are operated by the FBI. Enjoy.
. You are permitted to bask in our reflected glory only. Direct exposure
to our full glory is not only impermissible but may also be mortiferous.
. Our hectic celebrity lifestyles keep us very busy wallowing in decadence
and we simply don't have time to respond to every e-mail. So don't go
kill yourself if we don't write back... or do, we don't really care.
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EoFAQ
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